tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post8261481882915377122..comments2023-10-24T07:19:08.063-07:00Comments on Savory & Sick: At least you can Be Happy...Savory Sweethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01854692427283938498noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post-2415029201730872682009-09-03T01:31:34.212-07:002009-09-03T01:31:34.212-07:00People can empathise with cancer, much more so tha...People can empathise with cancer, much more so than they can empathise with mental illness. <br />A mental illness is all in your head, therefore you can change it whenever you like, right? People outside don't understand it, and so it is wrong and the sufferer is being an idiot. But it's also not something you can explain. Just keep going, you're strong and you can get through this depression.<br />xxHanzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16703055975632314798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post-13901876324789183682009-09-02T23:52:15.798-07:002009-09-02T23:52:15.798-07:00People are out there looking for a cure for cancer...People are out there looking for a cure for cancer. Cancer is far more curable than a personality disorder. But a personality disorder isn't something people can see, or feel. Or that little children with big eyes and bald heads are dying of through the tv screen. So nobody cares. I think this is why I want to do psychiatry.<br /><br />xxPascohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07378294844687030241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post-52490581440141349632009-09-02T22:59:34.350-07:002009-09-02T22:59:34.350-07:00She breathes in
She breathes out
She wakes up
and ...She breathes in<br />She breathes out<br />She wakes up<br />and lays down<br />She can hardly speak<br />and so she screams<br /><br />I won't give again<br />because she takes so often<br /><br />Nothing I say will wash it away<br />I'm standing in the pouring rain<br />You say it won't happen again<br />You're manic, manic<br />There is a chemical in your brain<br />It's pouring sunshine and rage<br />You can never know what to expect<br />You're manic, manic<br /><br />She loves you<br />and hates you<br />You break down<br />She feels good<br />She will bleed from insecurity<br /><br />When will she heal from this<br />I love her still<br /><br />Nothing I say will wash it away<br />I'm standing in the pouring rain<br />You say it won't happen again<br />You're manic, manic<br />There is a chemical in your brain<br />It's pouring sunshine and rage<br />You can never know what to expect<br />You're manic, manic<br /><br />She's got everything you want<br />She's every little thing you're not, yeah<br /><br />--<i>Manic</i> by Plumb<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I used to wish I had a brain tumor.<br /><br />My migraines...I'm not sure if I can explain them correctly to anyone who hasn't had one. The taste of them, the feel of them, the way they move through me. The depression, the pain, the sorrow, the elation, the numbness, the exhaustion...one migraine that lasts for maybe a few hours will effect three days. They can come often times 4 times a month. Nothing stops the aura. Nothing makes it better.<br /><br />They think birth control would. But birth control makes me depressed. I can handle physical pain. It's the emotional that's scary for me.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />My point is, I wanted something to be wrong. I wanted them to be able to pinpoint the cause and cut it out. The cause of my mood swings, my depression, my sorrow, my rage. Anything but a chemical imbalance. I wanted something tangible that people could grasp. Where theyw ouldn't look at me oddly and peg it on some deep flaw in my personality - mock it behind my back. Where it wouldn't feel like an excuse.<br /><br />Where I wouldn't feel like I was struggling to make people understand that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make it better. And god I tried. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I just always wanted to be able to say "this is what's wrong. I'm fixing it now, so I can leave it behind one day, and be normal, just like you."<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />But nobody is normal.<br /><br /><br /><br />Look around you one day on the subway.<br />Look at the eyes of that girl who stands a few feet away from you. The one who you never really notice much, but see down there every couple of days. Watch how she stares at the tracks. How her hand clutches the strap of her purse or her backpack and her tongue touches her lips. The way her foot presses into the concrete platform like a horse nudging it's hoof on the ground in unsettled anticipation from being cooped up too long.<br /><br />She's thinking about it. She's wondering how it would feel. How quick it would be. Dreaming of the way the people would scream.<br /><br />So is the man a few steps over from her, staring at his phone, hating his boss, his job, his life. Wondering if he'd rather go out quick than do it all again tomorrow.<br /><br /><br /><br />We all have our demons. We all have our pains. None of us know what it's like to be anyone else.<br />And the only reason you wind up locked up, is because we all have those thoughts, but most of us are too terrified to hear them spoken outloud, because by hearing those thoughts given voice, it makes them that much more real. Makes us confront something we don't want to see.<br /><br />♥<br /><br />Feel better, Sweet. I worry about you.PrettyWreckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10570833366699365533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post-22229441327196240882009-09-02T22:06:17.991-07:002009-09-02T22:06:17.991-07:00no one will ever really understand unless they'...no one will ever really understand unless they've lived it. they will call it a diet and they will call you sad and they will shake their heads and talk behind your back and say they just can't understand or worse they'll say they can but they'll keep trying to feed you or give you puppies and presents, and if they really do care they'll count your ribs when they hug you and find excuses to wrap their fingers around your wrists to measure and they'll nearly cry while you go shopping and there is no median between this caring too much and caring not at all and it SUCKS. no one knows how to deal with it. i wish i had answers for you but i have none. :/<br /><br />also i can't believe our city is still on fire! i hope you are not being evacuated, etc. lucky you escaping to London soon! i am getting annoyed because i can't tell the difference between i'm-lightheaded-because-i-need-to-eat and i'm-lightheaded-because-i've-been-breathing-smoke-and-ash-all-day, and i end up eating just to be safe. blech. <br /><br />anyway i hope things start getting better for you soon because you are AWESOME. :Dmaishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04333342795855939406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post-77728352187239215792009-09-02T20:08:23.969-07:002009-09-02T20:08:23.969-07:00your blog is very fun to read! Definitely some uni...your blog is very fun to read! Definitely some unique perspectives! I really enjoy it. :) and seeing your goal weights have been attained inspires me!Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00610231837925554203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post-19166064508449882202009-09-02T19:36:46.043-07:002009-09-02T19:36:46.043-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.what if summer...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06745197837769715801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post-83814358318289666292009-09-02T19:36:44.880-07:002009-09-02T19:36:44.880-07:00Your mother's comment is really glazing over a...Your mother's comment is really glazing over a major part of psychological disorders. Sure since you don't have cancer or leukemia or whateverthefuck you have the physical capabilities to pet a dog or get out of bed. Physical capability to do something has little if nothing to do with enjoying them. If you have existential depression then getting out of bed feels so useless that it leads you to wish you HAD cancer.<br /><br />Hell, you could be like Morrie in Tuesdays With Morrie and be chill and happy until your body stops functioning day by day. He isn't healthy, but he's still happy. Anxiety or depression is the opposite. You have your physical health (some more than others) but it is often accompanied by a bleak outlook on life and people.<br /><br />I want to see her point, but there's really no reason to. It was an ignorant thing to say.what if summer...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06745197837769715801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8031136930490578569.post-58054458728576717792009-09-02T18:47:14.528-07:002009-09-02T18:47:14.528-07:00I think you're right and your mom just doesn&#...I think you're right and your mom just doesn't understand how it feels to be going through what you're going through. I think to truly understand anything, you must experience it.Ana's Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10588270419894145137noreply@blogger.com