Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

I.Am.Exhausted.

Basically, Wednesday night, I had to fly home so I could help my mom pack up the car and the dog and drive BACK up with them to my apartment on Thursday. Paula (aka Mom) was not in the best of moods.

Wednesday, I fasted throughout the day, and used the money I saved to buy some homeless men lunch and feed a woman and her grandson. It felt good, but a bit pretentious. Continued starving.

Arrived at the airport and my mom wanted to go to the Mall (AUGH! bad place) to get my sister foreign currency for her trip abroad, and of course they wanted to eat at one of the restaurants. But I was good. I figured out a way to order a hamburger (vegetarian) not eat any of it, but not clue them in, and only have a bit of broccoli.

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Here's some tips:
1) I've discovered something called "Metromint Water" ... it's basically like drinking really watery mouthwash, but drink it anyway, because it will taste like you've just brushed your teeth after EVERY sip. Kills the appetite.
2) Ask if you can order steamed vegetables as a side instead of fries, usually they have them.
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Thursday, I knew my mother would want to get fast food for the road, so I started panicking. But then I realized I didn't have to because someone had brought her grapefruits!!! So I ate a little one, and poured a slimfast shake down the drain to make it look like I had a full meal. So she got something and I could say "Thanks, but I've already eaten."

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Friday, I was a bit bad and kind of splurged when we went to a hamburger place, but I think it's ok because that day at lunch I only picked at a plain salad and pretended to eat the fries one of my friends offered me before tossing them under the table (oops!).

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I feel like there was something I actually wanted to talk about but now my stomach is super angry at me for eating last night so it's fallen out of my head. Churn churn churn. Thankfully, my weight is finally almost down to something manageable again (I think I'm at something like 118 plus or minus 1), and I'm beginning to hate myself less. Though, I do feel deceitful for the things I say to my mother about why I don't want to eat. She's naive. Basically I've just said that I feel really sick to my stomach when I eat breads and dairy, and why can't I just eat protein and fruits and vegetables.

She coo'd at me and did her kind Southern lady talk and said she understands but other people just think that it means I have a problem with food (........ ah tears me apart). But I don't know, lately, I've been thinking to myself, if that's *really* what I want to eat, what makes me happy, a good food day, isn't it only a problem because society has deemed it as such?

If I don't think it's a problem and Paula Deen is fine with it (with all her Southern naivety) then where is the disorder?! There can't be one. Because there's no external judgement, no hiding, no leaving out plates of stupid shit so it looks like I've eaten a giant plate of fried-fatty-grease-gross-mess that other people think I *should* be eating.

Ok. I'm getting too excited. I'm starting to stand on a proverbial soapbox about this. Better get off while I still feel on top.

Cheers, girls! Will read and comment soon, promise!!
Savory