I'm such an idiot.
Yesterday morning... BF starts eating a the worse half of a pint of ice cream, which he bought me last week, in bed next to me. I think it was because the night before in my haze of half-sleep half caffeine high, I told him to eat it before I could get my piggy hands on it. I didn't intend for him to fucking eat it next to me!
What do I do? I take it away from him and eat 450 calories of ice cream and then an hour later 50 calories of cheese puffs he's also flaunting in front of me. Douche.
I then told myself that I was the biggest idiot in the world for eating nutritionally empty food and that I couldn't eat anything else. So I didn't. This was fine until night time when I felt so sick I thought I would die. Add to the fact that I couldn't sleep. But I stuck it out.
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Why was I sick though? It wasn't hunger. I think it's probably due to my latest addictions.
Old Habits:
Laxatives
Topamax
New Additions:
Diuretics (Caffeine + NSAID)
Green Tea Pills
Pristiq (it's like Effexor, anti-depressant/anxiety)
So, I'm always a little bit flu-ish now. A mix of nausea and high. It's ok though because I've steadily lost a pound a day since gaining control of my binging and I've only got 3.6 pounds to lose by Friday. My mother arrives Wednesday night and the rest of my family will be coming on Thursday, so I'll be eating probably one small sensible meal a day with them, so I'd like to be 113 by Wednesday (ideally).
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Life otherwise is pretty boring. We had the apartment cleaned so it would be sparkly for our families to see but BF has already fucked it up again. Plus we stupidly decided to completely clean out and change our fish tank, so now it smells a bit off in here (side note, in the best intentions I killed my aggressive algae eater this morning. Sad day. He started sucking on my aquatic frog's head so I put him in a large vase last night until I could get him his own tank, but it must have been too much stress because he literally jumped out of the tank this morning and was on the floor in a last ditch effort to erm not die, I guess... RIP vacuum fish!). 
Going to Ikea today which ALWAYS makes me happy. I love decorating and organizing and home furnishing. I guess I like shopping for things that don't make me feel bad about myself (AKA anything I have to wear). Plus I like to pretend all the little rooms are my house. I'm such a child. I've already filled myself up on a cucumber with Taco Bell sauce so I won't be tempted by the Swedish delights in their little food court. I used to love to go to Ikea for dinner, that's how dorky I am.
I think I have shared too many crazy things about myself today. Off to read blogs!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Pill Popping and Fish Killing
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5 comments:
Oooh, the boyfriend thing happens to me all the time. The only upside is that I eat so much slower than him that he usually finishes everything before I've eaten more than a serving. I bet the sick feeling was the sugar. Sugar can make you pretty yucky feeling if you haven't had it in a while. *hugs* best of luck.
I always end up binging around my BF. Its frickin torture sometimes. But keep on it and eventually it will be easy.
I had a MELTDOWN last night and the ex came round with a huge piece of comfort cake and cuddles (no sexy cuddles, I stopped him at that).
Honestly though, it was pretty damn comforting! I'm wondering if I should pack this whole thing in. I'm imploding.
Well done on your recent success though! Way to pull it all together :)
Just to feel included here I'm gonna say if I had a bf to binge round I'd binge round him, lucky (or not) I don't haha :-p
Oh wow, you are doing great! I am happy for you. Even with the ice cream episode, I am sure you'll get rid of those 3.6 pounds in no time. I am jalous ;)
And I agree, there is something about Ikea that is great... maybe it's the walking around without even noticing. Everything is so pretty there. My new appartment will be filled with Ikea stuff, that's for sure!
Love,
Augustine
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