Bleh. I'm trying not to weigh myself. I don't want to feel like I've undone everything.
Since my mom's been here we've eaten at the worst kinds of establishments. Don't get me wrong, the food is all grade-A, but there's absolutely nothing safe... sigh. And I can't get away with not eating or pulling any stunts because when my mom saw me for the first time she said:
"SAVORY!!! ... You are too thin. WHAT would Paula Deen say?! She would have a fit!"
So, she and BF are conspiring, I swear. Last night he said I would be more attractive if I put on a few pounds. Thanks but IDK. I don't kare.
My one meal a day has been eaten at a Jewish Deli, Gourmet Bakery, and Old Fashioned Diner. I'm screwed.
Not terribly bloated but I'm not thin enough. It's sad. And there's nothing I could do about it except take a few diuretics because I couldn't play with laxies so close to the big day and with family in town. I can't make any excuses about food poisoning when we're all eating the same food... lol!
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The other day my adviser was asking me what I was going to wear for graduation:
"Oh, I didn't want to buy a new dress, so my mom is just bringing up my senior prom dress because it doesn't look that Prom-ish."
"Wow... I can't believe you can still fit in it!! I would die if I could fit in my wedding dress blah blah babies babies blah blah big hips and boobs now blah blah..."
I can't tell if this was a compliment. It kind of seems like she imagines I must have been like 20pounds thinner in high school, but I'm a little thinner now than I was in senior year if not the same size at worse. My boobs are smaller, sadly. I'm toying with the idea of posting a picture from my senior prom and a picture from graduation so you can see any differences... or perhaps just for fun.
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If you can't tell, I'm in a bad mood. I feel fat and I woke up at 5:30AM to get ready for something I'm dreading going to. I'm up for 2 awards and I feel like when I don't win them I'll burst into tears or catch on fire spontaneously or something equally horrid. Can I just stay here and read blogs and lose 15 pounds? That would make me the happiest.
EDIT: I'm a little happier. BF just got into a law school after being rejected and waitlisted into 8 others. Finally. I, of course, have been taking this very personally ;)
Friday, May 15, 2009
Today is the Day...
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8 comments:
You said it to me aaaaages ago, so I'm saying it back: If you're gonna eat, you may as well eat well! ;)
xx
HAHA on the topic of paula deen... i'm unhealthily obsessed with the food network... strange... watching people make food, or discovering how it's made, is just oddly fascinating. or perhaps it's another quirk of self destructive nature... hehe. you're wonderful savory, stay here and blog and lose 15 lbs ;]
yay, that's great news about your bf and getting into law school! but sweetie, i'm worried about you.
Yay for law school!
This is just a temporary set back. You'll be back on track soon, and hopefully this will kick up your metabolism a bit, so when you start again, it'll come off like crazy.
Congrats to the boyf about law school, thats good news.
How can you be feeling so down when so many thin comments are coming your way? Take them all as compliments, you're starting to worry me with all your negative-ness..
Maybe those before/after from prom to graduation will lift your spirits a bit more :)
Xx
Your boyf's "ZOMG GAIN WEIGHT" comment gave me a major case of deja-vu. It's so annoying, because I know for a fact I'll look better thinner.
congratulations on graduating! it's a super exciting time and make the most of those last few moments...and the walk. i am really proud of you for finishing the thesis, handling a bazillion crises...and still managing to walk across that stage like the super skinny bitch that you are. oh savory, many many happy returns of the day to you because sister, you deserve more than a pat on the back!
in about a month, i am heading out to the east coast when I will be greeted with a cappucino and cigarettes...i'll make sure to huff my first puff in your honor!
x
Oh I'd loooove to see prom dress pictures of you!
And don't you worry too much. "Taking a break" is often exactly what you need to push your body into massive weight loss mode. Remember, it just needs a little change (less stress, better food, more exercise or whatever) to initiate the change.
Love,
Augustine
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