I'm back.

And I mean business.

I've been shying around, hiding and isolating myself for too long. Come on, when you avoid your blog, that's hitting a sad sad state of things.

I don't want to talk about my failures in the past weeks (though I will tell you that I learned how incredible "fondant" truly is) because I just want to focus on now and tomorrow.

Baby steps baby steps baby steps.

Here are the new rules:

1. Try to stick by the "Anti-Brown" if possible. Exceptions can be made for truly healthy brown food... but even this should be in moderation.

2. No more food in my room. In fact, I'm going to eat everything in public. This serves 2 purposes: there won't be any food at home to comfortably binge on AND I hate to eat in public. Today I ate a salad in the middle of a plaza and it felt like everyone was staring at me. I couldn't eat like I do when I'm alone (inhaling food, stuffing face, eating to the point of exploding) and this forced me to eat slow and thoughtfully. No distractions. Just me and the meal. I had to keep reminding myself that only 20% or so of the people who passed by me actually noticed me at all... if you aren't familiar with this psychology finding, definitely check out these lab demos and case studies. It helps me to try and remember this when I think everyone's looking at my fat legs.

3. One meal a day. I'm looking into meal replacement shakes for emergencies since I used to do well with those.

3a. Nothing goes into mouth without knowing calories. If it's not listed or I don't know off the top of my head, I don't eat it. Only eat salad with dressing on the side at restaurants.

3b. Don't do anything else while eating this meal. Eat and focus on eating.

3c. Drink a cup of hot tea with the meal. Hot liquids make you feel more full.

4. Juice is ok in moderation. Tea is preferable.

5. Weigh and take measurements regularly.

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So as an added bonus to you all, I'm going to finally reveal just how huge I've gotten. It needs to be said out loud, I can't run from it.

Weight: 134lbs or 9 stone 8

Measurements-

Thighs (at biggest part): 23

Butt: 38

Hips: 34

Waist: 28.5

Bust: 31 and 33

Upper Arm: 10

OK, I didn't catch on fire and die. I can't believe how I've let myself go. My thigh is almost as big as my waist used to be just months ago. I've put on this weight rapidly and through an equally unhealthy means as starving.

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6. I'm going to have to also be boring and start recording what I eat on here, but I'll put it at the end so you can skip!

7. I promise I WILL start commenting and religiously reading blogs again.

8. Little rewards for good behavior. Haven't figured out what the rewards are yet.

So there you have it. I'm moving back into Savoryville!

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1 cherry bakewell (198)

1 waitrose italian salad (101)

1 serving watermelon (50)

Juice (not doing calories of juice)

Cheers!

Savory