Thursday, November 18, 2010

Savory gets "real"

OK, I've decided a few things. These are a few things that I have to be open about if I want to keep blogging. They might sound (and be) incredibly selfish and make you think less of me, but what the hell I've talked about my bathroom habits and you haven't run away or slapped me in the face yet.

There are several reasons why I blog infrequently. Let's list them:

1. I feel I am inadequately thin and/or disordered. Now this may sound silly coming from the person who locked herself in her room today and denied herself any food or drink (water included) until she saw a number on the scale she liked, but whatever. I'm not skinny and I don't feel like anyone wants to read about an average girl whining about her average problems.
2. My life is at a point where I sometimes can find the time to blog, but I don't find the time to contribute to the community in other meaningful ways. This is entirely my fault and I feel incredibly guilty that I never comment and hardly take the time to read other blogs. In my mind, it's incredibly selfish for me to expect my readers to keep checking on me when I don't have the common courtesy to do the same. But isn't that what a blog is? You write and other people read it? This is where it gets into existential gray areas.
3. ......... actually there might be only two reasons. Sorry for getting you hyped up about reading an in-depth list.

So there you have it. Basically I'm too inconsiderate to read your blogs but I still want you to read mine and comment because that's how I evaluate my self worth.

Now that I've said it, maybe we can have a more honest relationship. I apologize.

And as much as the proper Southern-bred lady in me wants to say "I'm so sorry, I promise to blog more and be more active in the community" that would be a lie. I'll try to be more active in the community, but I'm just not in that place anymore and as much as I try something's keeping me from going back there.

So there you have it. Probably the most honest I've ever been to the people I've always been able to be the most honest with.

[I have to write something here because I can't end a blog post with a preposition-grammatical-error because that's embarrassingly awkward]


Lina (of Flushed) said...

I'm totally with you on these two points.

And even the third one. ;)

EmptyShell said...

lol, that actually works out well for me, because I tend to lurk other peoples blogs and then neglect to update my own :P

Peridot (G+P) said...

The less disordered-sick you are, the happier I am for you, so THERE!

Ophelia said...

I get the same... especially, no.2, do feel like a selfish bitch just posting and not reading a lot of the time..

But hey you're one of the rare few who, when you blog, I will read :)

love xx

Char Vicki said...

If we read everyone else's blogs as well as writing our own, we'd be in front of the computer all day :o

Anise said...

you said this so incredibly succinctly and articulately and i have to say i'm impressed. i also have to say i miss you and will come to visit promptly after thanksgiving-induced coma wears off.

i, for one, believe there are no rules here and blogger is what you make of it. the fact that this is a community is kind of an interesting phenomenon but there is no etiquette yet for this situation, is there? plenty of people who write non-ed related blogs have no qualms about not reading others nor commenting, yet we somehow feel this compulsion to/guilt from not commenting. why? what is it about EDs that make us need to form this loose community within a structure that allows for no community? are there other "communities" in blogger that deal with different issues and do they feel the compulsion to be active/comment? and can i come see you soon to discuss? it's kind of an interesting social phenomenon, don't you think? i love the way people come and go and you don't need to feel responsible to them at all, though you can offer all the support you're able to if you want, or don't have to if you don't want. maybe it has something to do with the fact that the one thing we all have in common completely subsumes our lives, and therefore we can give others the freedom to not comment or not post or disappear because we know we do the same, and we never take it personally because we know what the other is suffering?

am i just rambling on asking fifty thousand questions or am i actually making sense?

anyway i have about five thousand things to say on this topic. let's talk later.

xx x

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