THANK YOU!

Sometimes, just when I think the whole world is rotten and rubbish (!) people show me true kindness and friendship.

You all came through, and I am SO grateful. Originally, I meant to spend my Winter break looking through everyone's old old blog entries picking out the perfect little quotes and examples to sprinkle throughout my paper.... but of course life, laziness, and my own tendency to shoot myself in the foot took the forefront and that didn't happen.

So I tried to use my own posts as examples, since I have a good memory for what I write, but that seemed SUPER lame. Thanks for being super awesome readers and people!

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Just to satiate anyone's curiosity, the paper I wrote was about juxtaposing current scholar's theories about shopping (that people are devoted to shop in love for their family) to my idea of how eating disordered individuals shop for themselves (devoted-yes, love-no). I think that 3,000 words really wasn't enough to fully express myself, especially since I wanted to use your own words and passages from "Wasted" but hopefully it turned out ok.

I think the strong part of the paper talks about "Ana" as a deity, with EDs making sacrificial rites and ritualistic gestures in their shopping and consumption to appease this personification of their disordered self.

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In terms of my shopping..... I have probably three strong tendencies. My first is to do what most of you mentioned and make a list, trying to stick to that. Usually that ends the best in terms of what I actually go home and eat until my next shopping trip. My second tendency is to say "fuck it" and just put things in my basket, and then get home and mindlessly eat until I snap out of it. Then I realize I have nothing really that I actually want, just a bunch of shit I wanted for 5 minutes of my life.

My third tendency is one that occurred last night. Kind of a hybridization. I don't go in with a list, but I know I have the best intentions in mind. I buy mostly fruit, boring carb stuff to keep me full but I won't binge on (oatmeal/porridge is my go to.... I cannot possibly over eat porridge), and something savory to counter the fruit (in this case, soup).

In this particular shopping trip, I also tried to buy things I could keep in my room instead of putting in the kitchen because I hate hate hate going to the kitchen. I just feel like the weird smells stick to me. Ugh.

This morning started out good. Pear. Porridge. A teeny bit of juice and then I switched to tea, black. Then I started getting munchy. What did I decide to eat during my sheer boredom? The greek olives I bought thinking, "Oh these are basically zero cal when you eat like one or two!"

Nope, ate almost the whole little jar. And then I found some hidden crackers to go with. I would also eat an apple and a nectarine.

Grr. Well, I'm tossing the remaining olives and crackers. I feel sick. At least all that didn't amount to thaaaat much in comparison to what I could have eaten if I shopped worse.

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Sorry for the uninspired entry but I feel lethargic from lack of sleep and then too much sleep! Plus too much food!

I'll write a better deserved post later ;)