Hurry!
I need as many responses as possible about your experiences in the grocery store and how it makes you feel (if this wasn't for a paper, I swear I wouldn't give you such a lame set-up question):
Everyone's already anonymous screen name will be changed along with identifying features.
I WILL REWARD YOU WITH SOMETHING AS OF NOW UNDECIDED.
This is due in 24 hours sooooooooo please?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
I need your assistance!
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18 comments:
When I'm on my game I have tunnel vision. I walk in with a plan. I know what I want I grab it and go. Avoiding the aisles with trigger foods.
When I'm weak and waining I look at all the junk. I read every single label and I put it back not wanting to let go, want to take it with me, wishing I was "normal" and could buy it, have SOME and not the ENTIRE THING.
When I'm on the rocks I go and want everything. I don't even know what I'm doing, there is this fog and I'm just going through the motions, I'm not in control of myself.
I either go round picking stuff up and reading the information and putting it down, going up and down EVERY single aisle just to stare at things i cant have.
or i reject responsibility for my shop, at which point i go onto autopilot. today i woke up and said " my night has been shit, i need a pain au chocolat to make me feel better".
I bought the same bread i always buy, then pear to go with that, then cheese for that, then jam for the cheese, then ham to go with the bread and cheese, then juice because this was already a 'bad shop' then i bought chocolate dessert. none of it was planned, all of it was accepted. all of it was eaten, hide the evidence, back to soup and fruit.
basically in brief, i INFINITELY prefer to do my supermarket shopping online. I can make meal plans, and compare all the nutritional info, and spend as long as i like humming and hah-ing over which low fat something-or-rather to get. and i can change my mind as much as i like. and there is no tangible temptation.
In a supermarket i usually feel overwhelmed. I HATE to have company, because then i feel pressure to decide quickly and wihtout exposing my neuroses. I can get very panicky in a way which makes me want to jump up and down and whinge and wring my hands when part of my plan goes awry, such as when they dont have the right yoghurt, or my treat rice crackers. because then i've got to open the can of worms that is Decisions. Options.
i want my reward in the form of an email (after you have handed in your paper obviously!!!). i take it you are back in the horrible snowy uk if you are handing in papers?
in conclusion because i dont know what info you need, i have 'good shops' which are carefully and painstakingly planned and executed and make me feel well set up mentally for the week. these shops are budgeted, both calorie wise and money wise.
and then i have 'naughty' shops where i let go of my rules and then everything in my trolley makes me feel guilty when i take it out when i get home. so then i eat it all. these shops contain booze and carbs and cost me lots of money and make me angry at myself and ashamed if anyone saw them.
hope that helps and you sort out the paper in time! xx
basically, what flushed said. fog/tunnel vision. (but then you've seen me in topshop!)
When I enter the supermarket I either have a concrete plan why I'm here and what exacty I am going to buy. This usually happens when I'm having a good day and my mind is like HEALTHYHEALTHYHEALTHY! I have the tunnel view on,go straigh to the fruits/veggies section and do not even dare to look at the EVIL aisles... I grab my lowcal healthy stuff adn go straight to the checkout counter to pay and leave having this *mission successfullycompleted everything is fine!* feeling.
But sadly I has been long time since I had such a day. At the moment I I just rush pathetically to the supermarket, go straight to the evil aisles and look at all the different kinds of bad food. I glare greedily and all of them feeling the urge to tear up all different kinds of goods and stuff something of everything into my watering mouth. I usually never can decide which badfood to take so it takes a long time until I have finally decided what is going to be my MIA food today...I take this and that...look at it carefully contempltate whether it is a good MIA food or not if it is really worth it (taste,costs etc)... these days I even tend to avoid the *healthy*aisles cause then I kinda start to feel guilty like "this is what I would actually like and crave to eat if my body was not dirtied up with all these chemicals and stuff that make me crave for all this unhealthy food...how could I ever start to eat this bad food it is so hard to get back to HF"
When I am on the checkout counter I always look worriedly around me fearing someone I know(worst:family or good friends) might see me buying all this stuff. Plus I ponder about what the (overweight)cashier must think about me: The girl that buys tons of unhealthy stuff everyday,mostly the same products but does not get fat but rather thinner... O.o
Yup...I guess that is it.
Sooo... I go in, intent on being healthy, eating normal things, like a normal person... yes something lovely and healthy...
hmm chicken salad? - too many calories... a smoothie? - too many calories... etc etc etc
Basically go around, like a loony, picking up things, reading the nutritional info, comparing them, carrying them off, putting them back... and walking out with nothing.
(If it's a small shop and the cashier has been watching me I feel obliged to buy something... because I've already been acting like enough of a freak.)
OR
I go in like a madwoman, wanting cookies. CHOCOLATE. oooh warm fresh breaddddddd!!! Buy, buy, buy, stuff, stuff, stuff... stick my head down the toilet and feel fantastic.
As an aside, on my 'healthy' days I hate looking at people's trollys/baskets when they're filled with food. I look at them in disgust. Pigs. Gross, gross, uncontrollable gluttons. I feel superior.
hope this is some help, good luck writing! x x x
I walk down every single aisle, at least twice, changing directions during each run through. I pick a lot of things up, read all of the labels, and put it down. I'm good with not buying, because I'm great at reasoning out of it.
If I buy sweets, they are for my family or my friends, and deep down, it is what I do to exert control over what they eat. Or at least, I buy baking supplies.
I'm impossible, I just wander everywhere after my systematic exploration of the store.
In my head, it is all a blur. I don't think I really have any thoughts besides moving my feet and reading. I'm in this alternate universe, a place that reminds me of all the foods I forbid myself to eat. If I think at all, it is to find myself the lowest calorie food yet that I can snack on.
A and I write a shopping list but still go down every aisle. In a way it sucks shopping with someone, though I don't have a choice. If I do get to go alone, I read the back of everything to see how much fat, sugar, calories etc is in it. I take ages when I'm on my own. When I do go shopping with A, I always add stuff that is not on the list and I often get stuff that I never eat and then gets trown out. This is something that A hates. He hates being wasteful. I usually buy stuff extra if I've read something somewhere that says how good it is but then am too scard to try it. I do often make up bogus reasons as to why I need certain things, just so I can get it, then deal with it later. Depending on how strong I'm feeling, will depend on whether I can go down the chocolate aisle or not. Sometimes I can go down and ignore it, other times I imagine eating the lot.
Sometimes I go shopping (whether for food or clothes) during my lunch break just for the 'exercise' of walking around instead of sitting and stuffing my face.
When I'm actually purchasing food groceries, there's a very short and specific list of foods that I will buy for myself:
celery
Laughing Cow cheese (35 cal kind)
sugar free jello
Crystal Light
carrots
mustard
ONE type of fruit of choice (if I feel so inclined)
Those are basically the safe foods that are okay to spend money on.
It helps that I live with my parents and they shop for the food for my main meals, so I'm not picking out EVERYTHING (though when I do, that's still the stuff I pick out).
That's not to say that I don't walk down all the snack aisles and gaze at the Pop-Tarts longingly. If I'm in the baking mood, I'll buy ingredients without even looking at them, but I can loiter by the sugar free jello and spend ten minutes trying to choose one or two boxes.
The thoughts usually running through my mind go "la la la getting some exercise la la this is my third time down this aisle la la maybe I'll go read the nutritional content on some of this sugar free low fat oatmeal la la la ohhh nope."
When I shop I make a list. If I don't have a list, I wander up and down every asile thinking, "That looks good, this looks good" but I never put any of that in my cart. Instead I wander and think, "If I don't buy it, I won't eat it." I rarely buy "filler foods" (aka junk food) unless it is intended to be for my boyfriend. If I find something I might like, I always check the nutrional information in it before it ever goes in my cart.
I also find I browse recipes while making my list so that i only buy what I need and never buy so much of what I want. I always think about the granola bars in my cupbard that I am not overly fond of and think that I should eat those first before I buy any other snack foods.
Despite having disorded eating I find that I shop very conciously and healthly; whole grains, low fat, low sodium, lean meats etc.
And of course I always think about money. How if I cave and buy oreo cookies, it will raise my bill. Money also plays a role in only buying what I need and what I want.
Its always what I need (to make a recipe for example) as opposed to what I want (oreo cookies or ice cream).
You should post your paper. I would love to read it!
Usually I will make a list before I go to the store. Then go strait to the where those groceries are. I try to avoid the aisle where all the fattening foods are. But then again, I sometimes go to stores which have a lot of imported groceries. If I do, then I love to walk around just looking at things. A lot of times I will put groceries in my cart, but then regret and put it back.
When going out from the store I usually feel really good, because I put all the bad stuff back.
Sophie
HOW INTERESTING.
You girls have *no* idea how much your input is helping me! PLUS I'm having loads of fun thinking up creating pseudonyms for your pseudonyms. Loving you all :)
xxxx
P.S. Made the mistake of taking 2 ritalin and now I can't take a power nap :( Almost finished with this paper though! THEN I have one more paper before monday.... on Jack the Ripper!
it depends on whether its a good day or a bad day.
trips to the grocery store are generally positive for me because they symbolize (to me) my eating for the week. if i'm getting groceries I am getting produce, dairy, meat, and occasionally something else. although if i want to deviate and get something else, like let's say soup (for when I don't have time to cook) its extremely frustrating because I will read every label, compare organic vs regular for sodium content, ingredients etc. In the grocery store bad foods are less tempting for some reason than lets say a restaurant. i can walk by the cookies/cake section and just rhink of i can't eat that.
I usually write a list of things I want to get.
Grocery shopping is usually an overall positive expereience for me, except when i need to buy something new/differnt than I normall do.
I try to go in with the mentality that i will only get healthy things. If i'm just starting a new restricting plan i go directly for what i want and get out of there.
If i've been restricting a lot the grocery store is an abhorrent place to be. I walk up and down all the snack food isles and look at every label. I scour over all the nutrition information and usually end up thinking "this one isn't too bad" and throw it in the cart only to look at it again later when my head has cleared from the overwhelming experience of being around that much food and realize that i would feel despicable if i ever broke down enough to eat it.
In order to avoid that you need to go in with a list, only getting the things written on it and tell yourself that there will be consequences (such as your thighs becoming more grotesque) if you throw ANYTHING else in the cart.
very recently, I checked out the grocery store in my new home state (Louisiana) and found some really nasty, bad for you stuff.... vats of frying oil the size of small children, booze up to your eyeballs, LARD, etc. I ended up feeling way better about buying my semi - ok stuff (bagels) and came home and ate a ton, triggering bingeing, triggering remorse, all because of stupid change of grocery store scenery. maybe not a relevant story. but it is strange how having the same things in the same place in the store helps me to plan my visits appropriately - I will not go down this aisle, I will allow myself to walk down this one and stare but not touch. A bit like the zoo, where you can pet the goats but don't put your fingers in the bars where the bears live. If you change up the order, I get mixed up and find myself playing with lions.
i go in with just a £10 note. i know that i have to buy milk and bread for the house. so that leaves me with around £8 to spend on myself.
for so long i managed to ignore the cake/biscuit aisle, i'm quite lucky because i truly don't have a sweet tooth. now they have moved Ryvita to the biscuit aisle, which makes me tempted to buy digestive biscuits too.....
but then i look at the other people in that aisle.. look at their thighs!! i don't want that!
looking at so much food scares me. so i usually take a list and stick to that.
i can't wait to have my own place next year so the parents can't ration what i buy/ eat.
It depends what I plan to buy. I'll always go with a list, but always pick up stuff I don't need. Sometimes it can be a little overwhelming. Often I give up and leave with nothing, and I get annoyed if I can't find the perfect apple for example. But on the flipside, I go there a lot just to see all the food, look at the wrappers ect but not buy anything. It's more fun than clothes shopping.
Grocery shopping is my absolute favourite thing. I love going into the shops and walking down every single food aisle, just staring at all the foods I know I can't eat.
I get all my safe foods - apples, low cal. bread, reduced fat cheese, vegetables (basically food I need for cooking), and then I just look at everything else. If I want to buy something, I pick it up, look at the calorie content and decide if that's acceptable - above 150 = bad. I choose the lowest calorie option of everything.
Sometimes, I pick something I really really want, for example a bag of rocky road cookies, and I carry them around the shop until I go to the checkout. Then I hide them somewhere and walk out of the shop emptyhanded.
If I am in bingemode, I walk in blindly and grab everything bad that I want to eat at that moment, then I practically run to the check out, where I will not look the cashier in the eye, I am so scared they can See what I am doing. I will go to many different shops looking for the thing I want to binge on. I linger too long in the chocolate aisle, or the bread aisle.
Nowadays, to avoid this frenzy, I plan my meals for the week and compile a shopping list. I go in without a pen. I cannot cross things off, and this confuses me slightly.
I am always disappointed when I have no reason to go shopping - often, I binge so that I will need to go shopping due to a lack of food. This is not a very productive plan. Shopping is masochism for me anyway.
Hope this isn't too late to be of help to you xxx
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