Monday, November 30, 2009

Ham-gate

Me to my mother (PD): "So what do you think about Paula Deen getting hit in the face with a frozen ham?"
My mother (PD): *In her best Southern drawl* "Oh at her age? That's just awful!"
Me: "What does age have to do with it?"
PD: "Hun, your face just doesn't hold up as well... If she were 30 it'd be a different story."

Then she proceeded to talk about how the dog must be starving and the plan to buy him hamburger tomorrow because she could see his ribs. Hunger strike and all that.

Uh right.

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I do wonder if the rest of America came to the immediate conclusion that I came before I got all the facts (what? it was an accident?? oh, not as interesting!):

Was the Paula Deen "Ham Throwing" incident to Food as the George W. Bush "Shoe Throwing" incident was to Politics?

You might not get my subtle standardized testing rhetoric. I think the world is similarly weary of seeing poor Paula shove her hand in BBQ sauce like it's........ jesus, I can't even find anything to compare that to... You shouldn't dip your whole hand in a bowl of *anything* then proceed to lick it off your fingers. "More butter" and phrases of the like aren't cheeky anymore. We're getting a little grossed out.

The Food Network has made me realize something after so many years of being on TV. We have fucking dedicated an entire NETWORK OF TELEVISION to something that we're only supposed to be doing to keep us alive.

I think the world is sick of Paula and Jamie (shit, I am sick of Jamie, and I just learned who the hell he was 2 months ago) and even Top Chef (sorry Padma). Please tell Gordon Ramsey, he's not scary except for what all that yelling has done for his face.

Seriously... you all have ruined food. Bush has ruined the world, and you all have ruined cuisine.

Thanks.

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Hope your nose isn't broken Paula. You're a tough cookie (damn it!).

6 comments:

Isabella said...

Haha, ohhh food network. I used to watch it to make me less hungry until I realized that it was having TOTALLY THE OPPOSITE EFFECT :'[ Those people should be ashamed..

But as for an "entire network of television..", at least food is somewhat crucial (versus shopping networks, just shoving poor shopaholics into debt)



Also, since I'm already commenting :] I got hooked on randomanorexics from your blogroll... but they seem to use drunkorexia in a slightly different manner than your previous blog rant? Or maybe that was just my own take..


Anyway, loveeee the blog :]

Oiseau said...

Oh, you're coming home? :) for Christmas or what?

Oh man. Hahaha. I hadn't heard that one. That Paula is a crazy one.

I miss talking to you! I lost your email. Haha.

PrettyWreck said...

I have a migraine. A really bad migraine. And laughing makes it hurt worse, and you just made me laugh. But it also makes me feel better (despite hurting worse) so I totally forgive you XD

Your comparison of Bush and Deen is just...I love you. So hard.
I have missed reading your stuff. Your sense of humor is the greatest.

Anise said...

as ever, you are both amazing and wonderful and insightful and a whole other string of superlative adjectives that will probably make you blush so i won't type them out here. :D

my favorite part of that article, i have to say, is PD saying "I haven't met the ham that could stop me yet!"

i was idly flipping through some woman's magazine at someone's house and was rather appalled by the fact that EVERY article was about how to lose weight, how to look better older, how to stay toned SO THAT that man in your life will lust after you as he did when you were 20, how to turn heads, how to LOOK the best you you can be, and so on. what happened to personality? what happened to aging gracefully and proudly? personally, some of the most beautiful people i have ever seen were Mayans, living off the land in Belize, the weather etched right into their faces, which were leathery and dark and stunning. when i am 80 i want people to read stories in my face. i do not want myriad fine wrinkles held together by chemical products designed to make me think i look 30 again. because that is a joke.

wait, why i am writing this all here? i really ought to post about it. ok. hold on.

anyway, i LOVE how you make me THINK. thank you. seriously, thank you. and i love your self-awareness.

xx x

p.s. I was going to say something re: your last post but Lulu completely said it all, and more succinctly, and just plain better. so yeah.

Raynay said...

What brand of kombucha did you try? I used to loove this kind called "wonder drink" but i cant find it anymore, anywhos i guess its an acquired (sp?) taste.

Yes I'm back!!! Sorry to leave ya'll high and dry so to speak. :) I explain about my absence in early posts of my new blog. Haven't gotten all caught up on your doings yet but I'm just about to dive in! <3

throughraindrops said...

i was finding any words coming to me to comment until you mentioned jaime i assume you mean jaime oliver?

have you noticed how he drowns EVERYTHING in olive oil my mum bought his cookbook and nearly recipe calls for a "couple of glugs of olive oil"

ahhh i do love the food network though:)

 
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