Dinner

All I could think about was what I wasn't going to eat. My professor's voice grazed my ears, bringing me back to the lecture... but even as I dutifully took notes, nodded along, my mind was elsewhere:

Do I eat something today? Am I allowed? Maybe just one little thing... I have 2 pounds in my bag that I have scraped together. No no, I'm not hungry.

After doing all the readings this weekend, I felt compelled to contribute something during discussion, even though the reading was never mentioned in lecture (pathetic). I raised my hand and felt very timid, nervous. Then I realized my hands were shaking and this was the third mint I'd eaten in an hour. Clearly, this wasn't working, I told myself.

I ate half a sandwich on wheat bread. Drank a lot lot lot of water.

There. That will get me through until tomorrow.

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Except I went home and made rice. Tried to sleep. Then I made soup, having totally given up.

Two and a half dinners in one night. What will the scale say?