Thursday, March 25, 2010

I'm back.

And I mean business.

I've been shying around, hiding and isolating myself for too long. Come on, when you avoid your blog, that's hitting a sad sad state of things.

I don't want to talk about my failures in the past weeks (though I will tell you that I learned how incredible "fondant" truly is) because I just want to focus on now and tomorrow.

Baby steps baby steps baby steps.

Here are the new rules:
1. Try to stick by the "Anti-Brown" if possible. Exceptions can be made for truly healthy brown food... but even this should be in moderation.

2. No more food in my room. In fact, I'm going to eat everything in public. This serves 2 purposes: there won't be any food at home to comfortably binge on AND I hate to eat in public. Today I ate a salad in the middle of a plaza and it felt like everyone was staring at me. I couldn't eat like I do when I'm alone (inhaling food, stuffing face, eating to the point of exploding) and this forced me to eat slow and thoughtfully. No distractions. Just me and the meal. I had to keep reminding myself that only 20% or so of the people who passed by me actually noticed me at all... if you aren't familiar with this psychology finding, definitely check out these lab demos and case studies. It helps me to try and remember this when I think everyone's looking at my fat legs.

3. One meal a day. I'm looking into meal replacement shakes for emergencies since I used to do well with those.

3a. Nothing goes into mouth without knowing calories. If it's not listed or I don't know off the top of my head, I don't eat it. Only eat salad with dressing on the side at restaurants.
3b. Don't do anything else while eating this meal. Eat and focus on eating.
3c. Drink a cup of hot tea with the meal. Hot liquids make you feel more full.

4. Juice is ok in moderation. Tea is preferable.

5. Weigh and take measurements regularly.


So as an added bonus to you all, I'm going to finally reveal just how huge I've gotten. It needs to be said out loud, I can't run from it.
Weight: 134lbs or 9 stone 8
Thighs (at biggest part): 23
Butt: 38
Hips: 34
Waist: 28.5
Bust: 31 and 33
Upper Arm: 10

OK, I didn't catch on fire and die. I can't believe how I've let myself go. My thigh is almost as big as my waist used to be just months ago. I've put on this weight rapidly and through an equally unhealthy means as starving.


6. I'm going to have to also be boring and start recording what I eat on here, but I'll put it at the end so you can skip!

7. I promise I WILL start commenting and religiously reading blogs again.

8. Little rewards for good behavior. Haven't figured out what the rewards are yet.

So there you have it. I'm moving back into Savoryville!

1 cherry bakewell (198)
1 waitrose italian salad (101)
1 serving watermelon (50)
Juice (not doing calories of juice)



Anonymous said...

That's a little bit freaky. Your measurements are exaclty the same as mine. I'm guessing you're a bit taller than my 5'1" though because your weight is higher. Rrrr, damn you tall people. I have a friend three inches taller, same weight, looks great. *sigh*. I thought i was over my height complex

Sarah. said...

Gooooood luck!
You've done it before, you can do it again!
haha i liked anon's comment ^^ at my 5"0 stature, i blame EVERYTHING on height

throughraindrops said...

eek know how you feel ive recently mgrated from my already weird eating mates but ive know before all this crap thus im okish around them sometimes we eat sometimes we dont only ever chocolate/sweets etc to a new group of friends who actually eat proper meals like sandwhiches and stuff on plates

i eat my 60 cal yoghurt and feel like them and the entire canteen are watching me thinking what the hell is that fattie doing eating

this is why i hate fat people eating how come they are allowed to and im not? lol not fair

going to go look at that study stop avoiding you blog i love your posts x

Piglet said...

We're the same height and I'm 3 lbs heavier than you (as of this morning). Hows about a race?

haha...just kidding. I know you'd kick my fat ass. But, your future rapid loss will keep me motivated.

I love reading you blog.

Flushed said...

You are back and with a plan! I love it!


Jess said...

You and I can lose it together...don't worry and stay strong!

Anise said...

thank GOD. how i've missed you. <3

xx x

Anonymous said...

wow same measurements. i'm sure that brings you no joy as ive been bigger than you for a while...

but im glad youre back and brownless - look how many other people are too!

Celia said...

My measurements are similar. I am also back and need to get on track. I am practically obese. 140lbs. Ridiculous. Once upon a time (about 6 months ago) 130 was large. I hate myself.

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