Wednesday, December 16, 2009

...Like a Sailor

Sweet baby Jesus on a bicycle!

Clearly I need to bump up my twitter @#$(*#($...

I didn't realize this existed until I googled my blogger alias and it was the 3rd thing to pop up. Immediately I thought, "OH NO YOU DIDN'T! Someone is fucking stealing *my* completely unique persona for some stupid feed." Then I realized the potential of this situation and felt relieved and a little pleased with myself.

They say that cursing cheapens language, I say "they" just don't fucking know how to correctly use it. A swear with the right placement is better than the best jargon, the most eloquently placed semi-colon.


Today I met someone I haven't seen in months. Was told the following:

"You look great. Slim but not anorexic."

This made me wonder two things... did she know? At what point did I decide that skeletal was beautiful?

Don't get me wrong, a huge part of me is still mourning the loss of my protruding spine. But I know that it looked disgusting. I could see things that you shouldn't even see on an X-Ray. And because of it, I have lost all sense of beauty. TR and I get in fights about what it is (even though he's male, I automatically think I am a better judge of aesthetic).

"What? No no no. Collarbones are beautiful! And everyone thinks hipbones are sexy! They don't? Are you sure? You don't think that little articulated bump on the collarbone is amazing? You aren't lying to me because you want me to eat pizza, are you? Ok well I don't believe you but I'll try to believe you. But I don't."

(P.S. I blame pizza for my weight gain. Cheese is Satan. It's not animal friendly and it's decidedly sneaky)

No one. NO ONE starts out at the beginning stages of an eating disorder wanting to be 70 lbs. If you do, you have other issues going on.

Something happens, and the mind flips everything around. We get trapped in the mirror we're so entranced by, and the world doesn't seem to work by the same rules anymore. Left is right.


In other news, as healthy as I've spouted off being lately, I just realized today that I still completely don't know how to eat. This occurred when I ordered lunch and did fine. Then we had to get dinner and I realized I was NOT not not hungry nor had any desire to eat.



Ana's Girl said...

I totally agree about properly placed curses being eloquent. I like it. :)
Also, cheese is Satan indeed. Who knew that so many calories could be packed into something so small that people try to say is "good for you."

zipped.lipped said...

This is beautifully written.

Char Vicki said...

Great blog, I will continue reading for sure :)

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