"I have a horrible problem with shopaholism too. I realise what my life has boiled down too - the superficial and desperate need for quick fixes. I am the quintessential consumer, with no real ability to feel joy anymore and with the constant need to blot it out by the millions of brief flicks of satisfaction caused by purchasing something or shoving something in my gob."
-- Pasco
I want to hear about your experiences with shopping. Grocery shopping. Clothes shopping. Corner store shopping.
What kind of consumers are anoretics and bulimics? This is part of a larger discourse I'm working on, so I want to know how you shop and what shopping does to you.
Cheers,
Savory
(P.S. if you write about it on your lovely blogs, send me a link pleeease!)
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Shopping.
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Oh deary, the first thing to come to my mind was my awful fast food binge...
One night i was driving home from work, when for some unknown reason, i craved disgusting fast food. I wanted a burger like no other. (and i don't even like burgers... i don't know; don't ask me.) I stopped at a gas station and ordered a burger. "Do you want fries with that?" Why not?! Large, grease-soaked, vomit-inducing fries, coming right up... I sat in the car and inhaled the burger; wanted another, but was far too embarrassed to go back in and get another. I drove to McDonalds and went through the drive through, ordered another burger and a pie. Inhaled those and the fries from the gas station, and wished to die...
I'm rather embarrassed to even tell anyone about that... Ugh. Oh well, i didn't type it all out for nothing.
i do all my 'binge shopping' online.
if i cant see the actual money when i spend it then it doesn't really count!
sometimes i go ahead a spend an obscene amount even when i know that im already overdrawn. it just doesn't feel real if i do it online somehow.
i remember quite a few times when i've bought something thats worth about £5 or less and its ended up costing me about £50 extra in overdraft fee's. yet i still do it. all the time.
i frantically search the internet for crap and if i cant find anything that i really want to buy then i'll just by something that i really don't want. it doesn't matter, as long as i buy something! anything!
I shop the way I eat. All or nothing.
I can go months without buying a thing. I tell myself I deserve nothing and restrict even the littlest purchases. ("A pack of gum? I think not!")
And then, inevitably I am hit with a shopping binge. I must have everything. I must buy something every day. I must order that adorable suit online. I must have a new phone. I need new pumps for work. I must buy my hubby new movies and video games and he needs a new leather coat and I should probably get one for myself too and....
Yeah, I have credit card bills that look crazy. No activity for a month or two and then BAM!...I max out.
Much like my ED...it is exhausting.
love, Love, LOVE your blog. :)
xox,
A
when I used to fast-food binge, I would always hate to order just one thing from the takeout window. I was more afraid to be seen as the "eating alone" type than anything else - so I would order 2 meals, and eat them both in my car while driving home (and promptly throw up as soon as I got home).
I obsess about my grocery lists. usually I start thinking about my upcoming food purchases about a week before I can actually BUY anything. I write and rewite and cross off and make additions to said list at least ten times before setting out to the grocery - adding and subtracting calories, trying to get more nutrition for less money, wondering how much money I will go over my budget (because I always do).
speaking of... I am terrible with budgeting. I don't remember the last FULL paycheck I received - there is always an overdraft fee that prevents me from enjoying my full wages.
my money habits are much like my writing... I never know when to stop.
mine seems to cycle like my eating when im eating everything i tend to buy random bracelts/earings make up i also have fenies internet addiction
but i never buy clothes as im sure all the shop people are laughing at me thinking i would look good in it
but at times when ive been restricting pretty good i tend to try and find clothes ill spend forever in a changing room but usually leave with nothing this is also when i can spend over an hour in tesco just looking at food
another thing im petrified and cant go into food shops i hadnt been in pre bulmia
Well pasco said it best (as she tends to do!)
We've already talked about this at great length (and you saw it first hand) I sonserve my money with puritanical fervour and then undo all benefit I might have gained by binge shopping as soon as I let the first thing go through the till.
To extrapolate further, once I have told myself "you can buy this/you can eat this one thing, then the floodgates are open and it is only later when i have come out of my reason-free haze that i survey the damage, usually with some healthy dose of regret.
I also only shop when i feel best about myself, just like i binge when i feel most confident in my ability to 'treat myself' with restraint. This has led to a wardrobe full of clothes which fit me less than half the time and several clothes which swamp me for the rest of the time so nobody knows.
And i cant remember if i responded to your email, I'm hopefully coming back to london on saturday, but probably going straight up to uni for the weekend but i'll be around between the 13th dec and 4th of jan so lets go have margheritas and be mean about people together before you go home for xmas ok?! xx
All Lost in the Supermarket by The Clash is basically my anthem when it comes to this subject
Well.. in supermarkets, when I'm alone I'll either spend a veryveryvery long time looking at all of the varieties of chocolate and cakes and bread etc, before leaving with indecision. Or, on the other hand I go in and look for low calorie fruits, flavoured waters blah blah. Depending on the mood..
And as I really don't have much money, almost all of mine goes to op shops. I collect everything and I love beautiful old things. I have ties, brooches, dresses, shoes, dolls. Everything. From op shops. While its only $5 at the time it seriously adds up. My collections really do give me lots of pleasure, but when I'm feeling crap I sometimes go out and try on clothes that are wayway out of my price range, and have almost stolen things a few times, but haven't come to it yet.
That turned into a novel.
shopping+me=takes reeeeeeally long
I does not matter WHAT I shop, it will always take realy long,because I can not decide what to take and even if I know precisely what I want/need to buy(food/clothes etc) I get easily distracted by other oh-so-nice-gotta-have-a-closer-look-at-it things.
When I have money to shop some nice stuff once in a while I really gotta hold myself back every time otherwise I would end up buying loads of stuff I don't really need <.<
When I freak out an run to the supermarket to boy bad food it takes me even longer,because in these moment of absolute controllessness I would like it best to tear up every possible bag of xx food and stuff it into m mouth-just a big hand of everything in sight you know?
By the way: I have a new blog cause I screwed up my old one: porcelain-http://porcelain-orchid.blogspot.com/ (my old one is the same addy just ithouth the " - ") Would be really great to have you as a follower =)
I go through phases.
when I'm NOT focused so much on my body I will save money, work on fixing up my home (getting quality furniture, and antique to redo, etc) and generally and a responsible person with money.
When i am working on losing weight (which is most of the time) I buy a lot of clothes, some accessories. Mainly to have things that look flattering. I spend WAY TO MUCH MONEY.
but i feel almost everything makes me look fat, even if it fits and is as flattering as it can be.
there is the occasional good day where i think i look thin, but that doesn't happen until i am around 135 or less.
I am happy-ish in size 0's or 2's but also the stress of the ED(NOS) kinda takes away from the small sized triumphs...
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