Saturday, July 11, 2009

Melodrama

I am *so* grossed out by me.

Paula Deen and I have been arguing about my eating for the past 24 hours. I didn't calculate the fact that a 60 year old woman from the South weighing 180 pounds at 5'2" probably has loads of experience counting calories... she looks more naive than she is.

Turns out she realizes I've been eating less than 100 calories a day for a little bit now, and called me out on my "starvation diet" yesterday. So now I have to play dumb and fake normalcy and try to keep from screaming at the creeping (no not creeping, JUMPING) numbers on the scale. Goodbye 112 and 113.

Last night she made me a carby cheesy bready pastay meal that I totaled at 570. At least I had only eaten 15 grapes that day. I still went up to 114.5. I'm dying inside.

So what am I doing now?

WAITING FOR OUR FUCKING PIZZA TO GET DELIVERED!

Goodbye anorexia. It was nice dancing with you for like 4 days. I hate being here. I wish we could just go out, then I could hide my food in napkins, and pockets, and purses, or toss things under the table and get away with eating practically nothing. There's no hiding in a household where I've grown up eating meals in front of the television.

But shout out to all my lovely across the pond... I've started watching "Jeeves and Wooster" with Steven Fry and Hugh Laurie and it makes me want to be British, born a handful of decades ago, and completely filthy rich. Go watch it. It's a Brit comedy that's not too intelligent for us yanks.

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Something I am obsessed with doing, like multiple times a day (besides weighing) is calculating my BMI... I'm doing it now. I really need to put the site on my little browser dashboard. I'm between 5'6.5" and 5'7" so I always calculate both and feel good/bad at the same time. Right now I'm between 18.2-17.9. Seventeen is a good number. Anything higher is shit. But then I rationalize that I'm weighing myself with clothes on. I haven't been able to sneak the scale anywhere to disrobe.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I am not going to survive here for the next 2.5 months. Dear readers, I finally know the pain and torment many of you go through with your parents. I am sorry I did not understand the gravity of the situation. I wish I had a settee or a fainting couch. I need one.

Pictures in a few days (I should take them now before pizza arrives, but I'm afraid Paula will think I'm eccentric... so I may have to wait until after my weight settles back down).

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Toddle Pip!
Savory

7 comments:

beginner said...

I often think about how much easier our lives would be if it weren't for our families. You can still manage though, while you just eat in front of the people living with you they should be content.

And Stephen Fry + Hugh Laurie = pure brilliance

Aspartame Freak said...

Living with parents is an awful situation I can't nor want to remember.
At least when talking about food (or the lack of it) or weight.

Love your blog.

what if summer... said...

Omg Jeeves and Wooster is such a great show. For some reason it's on all the time on local Utah channels... my granny lives there, and she watches nothing but british television. I'm always happy to join her.
Plus Hugh Laurie is like my sexual fantasy.

belle svelte said...

oh my poor dearest! i sympathize...it's really difficult. i think you should start running...or doing major cardio mornings/evenings (yes, both!) to work off any food you eat. it's very important. very.

ummm...what other things? well, the normal...have shit ton of water to counter the food you eat. just remember, don't eat anything unless you are offered/forced. don't snack. nothing. you know this!!! but still...don't even relax for a second. it's difficult but you're not alone anymore =(

good luck babe!!!

G. Samsa said...

If it helps, I'm insanely jealous of your BMI -- I haven't been able to get below 18.3. But you have my deepest sympathies -- no one messes with me about my food choices, and I'm not sure what I'd do if someone tried.

Urrgghh... cheese is the worst. :(

The Prince of Wince said...

Waist away.

Skinny Lady said...

I love to calculate my BMI every few hours when I'm skinny. It's like validating all my hard work. Unfortunately I'm fat right now and I can't bear to see any number higher than 18.5.

 
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