Monday, July 20, 2009


I once had a conversation with a dear ED friend about how much we are able to mask ourselves in a cloak of illusion, people walk by thinking we're the good students, the best friend, the one that has it all together. It isn't until they start to see our bony arms and sallow faces that something is amiss. It is us, the EDs who can see the lies, hypocrisy and sorrow that leaks out in everyone else around us.

Why doesn't anyone see our pain until it is literally shoved in their face like our worst of worst binges?

For the record, I submit my "Facebook Quotations" I have listed for several years on my public profile that are seemingly out of character, but have also never garnered a single raising of the eyebrow.

"If a man does not keep step with his companion, perhaps he hears the beat of a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."

"I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends."

"I am flawed if I'm not free."

"Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing."

“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.”


Tri Thin said...

I don't believe everyone on facebook put thought into what inspires or explains their emotions when they choose to post a quote. I think they are just random selections from google search. Which means their chosen quotes are empty and meaningless, while others may be profound descriptions of inner struggle; sometimes it's hard to notice the difference.

Anonymous said...

the prozac is making me feel sleepy and drunk and like lying around doing nothing instead of sorting my life out...

tell me this wears off eventually..?xx

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