Thursday, July 16, 2009

Unconditional Love

I swear to God my mother has the Food Channel going on the downstairs TV and the one in her bedroom upstairs. It's like surround sound in this house.

I loathe that stupid network. I just want to stab every single skinny bitch cook on there.

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Obviously, I'm in a mood.

Actually, I'm flirting with dangerous territory. Have been for a few days now. I'm sure it will pass, but I won't worry you all with the sordid details. Suffice it to say that I can't wait to get out of my mother's house. Ah, I sound like a broken record.

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Last night I wanted to rescue a lost kitten that I'm practically positive was my split apart soul mate. It walked up to me when I was outside at my best friend's house and wanted to play and rub up against me. It hung around her house all night, and when we closed the door, she kept sticking her paws under the door and mewing at us to let her in. Of course, I called my mother (AKA Satan) and she started screaming at me. Meanwhile, I was holding the kitten and had named her. Tomasina.

At this point I started eating my feelings (well, I started eating my feelings earlier in the day because I was upset that I was forced to eat lunch and dinner... but now I was absolutely allowing myself to eat without regret).

I'm sure my split apart kitten belongs to someone, I'm not worried about that. Though there is a good chance she might be attacked or eaten by a coyote before she finds her way home. No one understands, I guess, that other than blogging, I feel very little connection to other humans. Little Tomasina was one living breathing thing, who wouldn't judge how depressed, manic, or eccentric I was. It wouldn't matter what I ate, how often I ate, or what I looked like.

I suppose this is why I've always felt more connected to pets than I have to people. They just don't give you that look when you say things like "No, I'd rather stay in bed today" "Do I have to eat? It gives me a stomach ache." "I'd feel much better about myself if I was just 10 pounds lighter" "Sometimes, I really hate everything."

Sigh.

I guess it's time to put on a happy face for a judgemental world.

9 comments:

Jaki said...

Why didn't you just keep her in your room? "who wouldn't judge how depressed, manic, or eccentric I was. It wouldn't matter what I ate, how often I ate, or what I looked like." its true... unconditional love... you should get a kitty, savory... theyre very low maintenance.

beginner said...

You have cayotes around? And poor kitty, you seem like a loving pet owner. I've wanted to get a dog myself, my parents finally "kinda" gave me permission, now I just have to find one. I'm preferably looking for a great dane, or just a big dog, I know it's 10 times more work but I'd love to just have someone always there for me.

Lulu said...

smuggle tomasina in!! it can be like your own little childrens story, where you hide her in your sweater and feed her all your food and she keeps growing and you keep shrinking until you can ride her around the house, and she can scare your mom far far away...

ahem *delusional*

xx

Pasco said...

Wow, there's no way I can top Lulu's comment!

Cat number one has come in for her morning cuddle and is purring her wee heart out on my chest right now. Cats number 2 and 3 won't be far behind. I wuv them. They are the best.

belle svelte said...

firstly, this is a well written post. elegant hand indeed.

secondly...i don't know really know what to say other than there is one cat (ahem, moi) who understands you but disobeys the first law of being a pet--namely, that I am human...and i live online =)

anyway. i think we all feel disconnected at some point, but the key is being around people that will make life a bit more bearable. sigh. what a way to put that. =)

Yasmine said...

I agree with two comments here.
Elegant & i love what Lulu said.
Thank god for being delusional!
but yes, i have a cat & i love him to bits.
They're there for you when you need a hug
or when you cry or whatever.
You should get a cat. (:

Yasmine. xx

Flushed said...

Makes me want a pet. So sorry you can't keep Tomasina (cute name BTW)...

EvaPuedeVolar said...

Savory Sweet! Darling, have your cat and eat nothing, too!

I'm very happy you're back. I so feel for you and your motherful woes. I'm just counting down the weeks until summer ends and I can go back to my mountainous school. Then I can starve all I want and there's nothing my Southern family can do about it. Nanny nanny boo boo.

I say keep your split apart soul mate kitten no matter what it takes! It is written, obviously.

Many many <3s for you!

xthinforever said...

I'm a rapid-cycler.
I'm destructive.
I'm hard on myself.
I'm 5' 7".
I'm trying to get to where you are.
Friends?

 
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