Not even 2 weeks after I posted my TB rant, I am now filled with the hope that maybe I'll contract a case of Swine Flu. Frankly, I don't care how "un-funny" this notion is as people die of the real flu every year and no one seems to give a damn until you name it something having to do with sad little animals and freak the whole fucking world out about it.
My other reason for not feeling bad about lusting after someone's coughs and sneezes are that I've noticed a blog/twitter trend of other lusty anas and mias wishing the same thing.
Famished 'til Friday went well. Got down past 115 so I was happy... THEN Friday hit and I was bombarded with life. My thesis was due (and my fucking mail server took forever to email it to my adviser so I tearfully broke down thinking it wouldn't be accepted), I had a conference presentation about said thesis that I wasn't prepared for, and this conversation happened:
*me sitting at my conference panel, in my too big size 2 trousers previously mentioned*
Conference Coordinator: "Savory, have you lost weight? You look so thin!"
Me: "Erm, maybe? I haven't really been keeping track."
My Adviser (who is also sitting at the panel): "YES SHE HAS! She's too stressed about her thesis and isn't eating. She needs to eat more. We'll fill up her plate at lunch."
Me: *weak laugh*
UGH. But really, at that point I stopped caring. It was terrible. This whole weekend has been. I've consumed things that I would NEVER EVER let touch my lips. My adviser took me out for drinks and dessert Friday night so I had alcohol for the first time in 3 months. AND apple crisp. I also had had a sandwich for lunch (I can't remember the last time I had bread and cheese and mayonnaise in one sitting).
Because I'm so disgusted at myself I'm going to list every other disgusting thing I ate until this moment: 3pints strawberry ice cream, 2 bags of potato chips, licorice, reese's pieces, pizza, quesadilla with guacamole and sour cream, oatmeal with banana and sugar and honey, Odwalla juice, strawberry soda.
UGH. I never drink my calories. I am the fattest person alive. I gained back everything from the fast. And I know I will get comments about how it's ok because I was stressed and these things happen. BUT ITS NOT OK.
UGH UGH UGH. I'm so mad. I literally ate so much last night that my body made me purge. Spontaneously. It was like "Fuck you, get this shit out of me."
So, basically I'm a failure. At least this hellish weekend is almost over. I'm going to have to pick myself up, lose 7lbs fast, and be stricter about everything. I can't decide if I want to restrict or fast. I might fast a bit with [RayRay] and try and vary my calories again since that seemed to work before. I need some tough love from my readers. Please spit at me or send me hate mail or something.
P.S. Hello to my new followers! I'm sorry that I couldn't be more together at this moment, but trust that I'll be twice as iron-willed and cynical tomorrow :)
Here's hoping I can find a piece of rotten fruit or sick grad student to quicken my transition back to thin! Until then, I am just "Swine."
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Posted by Savory Sweet at 2:21 PM