Friday, September 11, 2009

Sappy Sap

You know, it's not just because I'm afraid to go to bed and be left alone with my thoughts as I try to fall asleep... but I've dedicated about 6 hours to catching up on blogs. Don't congratulate me. I wouldn't have to do this if I hadn't been stupid and avoided them for weird unexplainable (even to myself) reasons.

But now I'm satisfied with myself. No, even more than that. It reminds me why I get on here all the time. It's not because I like getting the comments, or seeing how many followers I have, or even laughing about people who accidentally find my blog because they were searching for the lyrics to Billy Joel songs. This whole mess is so important to me because my own blog is nothing, but it's everyone I'm connected to that makes it all meaningful.

It's an experience.

Oh no. I have to stop before this turns into a creepy college paper and I throw in stupid pretentious words that don't mean anything except bullshitting your way into a better grade.


Anyway, what I wanted to say before I started waxing philosophical is that I'm really sorry I don't tell you all how much I appreciate you. Dear readers, followers, random people, and people I follow. You mean a lot to me.

Today was a really shitty long day, and it didn't seem to feel short until I started reading blogs again. The hours start to pass quickly when you're thinking about how to support someone who had an exciting week, or an unexpected setback.

And even though I've never met any of you, I'm glad that instead of wasting my efforts in bed feeling sorry for myself, I can try and read 100 different blogs and feel guilty that I'm not reading more in that sitting. Thanks for continuing to comment and read my rambling sadsack thoughts when I failed to support your ups and downs for the past month.

I don't care what anyone says or how horrific people try and portray us, but I think it's sad that everyone can't experience this kind of caring and support from a random group of scattered souls across the globe sharing something familiar but completely different.

So yeah. I'm going to get off the soap box. If this doesn't make sense, blame it on my over-indulgence in cherry juice, ABC world news, and the wee hours of the morning.


Sarah. said...

i love our community,
i love your blog,
etc etc :)

Adoreana said...

I agree. It's amazing how close we all are to each other, how much we support each other because we know what each other is going through. I feel like the people who know me best are the ones who read my blog, and that's not my real life friends or family, it's you guys.

Pasco said...

Here here, Savory (my sweet)

There is such an abundance of love here, that people who don't experience it could never possibly understand. When there is nobody in the world we can talk to, our friends online will always be here.

Thank you for saving me til last

Lyla Unleashed said...

isn't it great that even when you're totally alone, you really aren't because of this wonderful supportive blog community?

i have tried explaining it to my therapist... she was dismayed when i told her i have an ED blog. people think that whether we're pro-ana or not, that we all just give each other how-to-vomit-and-avoid-eating tips. no one seems to get that nobody in this community would wish pain and sickness on anyone else here... that we all just want one another to be okay... and that we will never judge anyone else for what they might be doing to themselves, only offer help and support.

sometimes i feel like this is the only part of the world that doesn't suck.

and even though i only know you in cyberspace, i know that you're real, that your joy and your pain are real, and that i'm here for you and everyone else who is reading.

your blog is awesome. take care of yourself hon. and thanks for your kind words. hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

Well said. It's great that we have this type of support. I don't want to even think about how hard it was for me to survive the first round with Ana all those years ago... (I believe its 7 now, holy crap I'm old!)
I'm so excited to be back and able to blog in places other than my bathroom and I'm trying really really hard to catch up on all the things that I have missed, so I'll probably be pulling a 5+ hour tour of blogger dot commmmmm

Anyways. You're an amazing person, and even though I've never met you I feel incredibly connected with you : ) Got to love the internet, especially when as socially awkward as me.

Love and Strength your way <3

Ana's Girl said...

It makes perfect sense and i know just what you mean. I love the little community we have going on here. I always say we should all get together, buy a deserted island, and have a real, food-free community. It'd be beautiful.

Anise said...

i agree TOTALLY and 100% and COMPLETELY. also, you just made me realize that i am not "wasting time" by being on blogger. thank you! :D

by all means tape tape tape away to your forehead, your cupboard, your fridge!

here is what i have to say about pasta:

pasta is the scourge of the earth. you have to wait and wait and wait--

oh wait. why don't i just write a post about it? duh.

ok. so go read my blog in like 15 minutes for the full shakedown on pasta (that is, if you're awake this early!). then please use to wallpaper your kitchen or, temporarily, your shopping cart!

p.s. i am glad you are back and happier! you are wonderful.


heebeejebus! said...

Awh, so true about the support thing. I've never felt like I 'belonged' anywhere or that I ever truly connected with anyone, but this community has been that for me, regardless of what the outside world thinks. : )

belle svelte said...

hey you!

i'm back after a million years away. okay, only a month but still. i adjusting to life here...the heat and silence of suburban living.

anyway. what else is up with me? nothing much really. trying to get into the one-meal mindset which is working as I try to find unnecessary accessories for my notebook. sigh.

anyway, it looks like you've lost much weight and gained even more in followers. not surprised at all =)


Ana Nas said...

We all have those months there was no need to apologize to me I've been avoiding every ones blogs lately too. I'm finally forcing my self to catch and feel the exact same way about much I love the support we give each other during this roller coaster we call life.

Kate said...

Thank you for being so vulnerable. I always love reading your blog. Even though I don't know you from adam, you are relate-able.

skinny love said...

No need to apologise, take as much time as you need.
I will always be here, waiting for you and waiting to cheer you up :]

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