Sunday, September 13, 2009

Things That Annoy Me About Myself

Every time I know I'm going out to a bar or a club, in the back of my mind I always think, "Jesus, I could be eating a bag of candy for every drink I'm going to have..."

Instead I don't eat anything and get the strongest drink I can think of. And I still don't get drunk. Rant of being a functional alcoholic later ;)
Have you ever felt really self-conscious about what you're wearing or how your hair looks one day? I hated the crowds in high school mainly because everyone would be standing in their little cliques, and if I walked by and a group was laughing I immediately would think, "Oh shit, I knew this didn't match! I'm a huge laughing stock." It didn't even matter if I heard the stupid joke someone had just told. Being insecure sucks.
On that note, I'm super afraid to show TR when I've changed my hair or my looks. I guess this is a rant on TR because his usually reaction is "It/You look(s) fine." What happened to those adjectives from 4 years ago? Gorgeous. Beautiful. Hott? Nope. Everything is fine. Or something is wrong. It makes me wonder if I'm a little bit more screwed up because of him... hmm. Perhaps guys just get comfortable and lazy after years into a relationship... hmm.
I can't sit through commercials anymore, so I don't usually watch a single program unless I'm stealing it on the internet. I get impatient and turn the channel.
Lately, no matter how important.... Ugh, I just got interrupted and now I can't remember what that thought was. I'm forgetful.
Oh, lately no matter how much (I don't know where "important" came from) I eat, I don't gain weight. I guess I've plateaued. At least when you gain weight, you know you can lose it.
I spend a vast amount of time putting on make up every morning. It's the most important thing I'll wear that day. But as soon as I leave the house and look in a mirror, I swear it's all melted off and I just have smudgy raccoon eyes.
Recently I went through my closet to trash/donate/keep old clothes. I can't think of a single one that didn't fit or was too big. This was exciting until I realized that in the early 90's everyone thought that children wearing a Men's Large was a good idea. Also, I found some old forgotten items that I thought would make me look quirky (i.e. saddle shoes and a Wishbone t-shirt) but it turns out that Urban Outfitters has already declared these things as cool, so I'm just another trendster.
My worst qualities are probably also my best ones. It's annoying when you're sitting in a job interview and the person asks "What's your biggest weakness?" Your head starts spinning and you know it's a trick question, but if you say something that makes it sound like your weakness is also your strength... you'll look like a douche.
I really wish I could pull off 1950s pin-up (I think TR does too) but I always ending up too costume-y or like I'm trying too hard to pretend and be Rockabilly or something. Sad day.
Hypocritical thought: I hate when people say tattoos are addictive, but I've already got 2-3 planned out that I'd like to get.
I can't keep things up for long. Structure isn't my friend... but I have become an amazing floss-er.
Autopsy comes from the Greek "To see for Oneself." I wonder why I'm so obsessed with looking at/thinking about crime scene photos, serial killers, and dead people. Perhaps it's my early introduction to the termination of life? Or maybe I'm one of those people who has the ability to do something terrible or creepy, but know you get caught, so you don't.

That's not a great excuse not to stray from your moral compass is it? Not because you know it's wrong, but because you might get in trouble. Childish really.


P.S. Remind me to tell you about my brilliant new food elimination plan. I thought of it at 2AM driving the other day, and though I still have to research it to make sure it's not flip-floppy, I'm pretty sure it will take away all the foods that plague my life :)


SBB said...

Don't you hate how boys get too comfortable?
I'd like to hear about your brilliant new food elimination plan =)

lizzy said...

its only been 6 months with my bf and he already doesnt say thta stuff enuf, bring on the plan!!

Pasco said...

My boyfriend never told me I was pretty. I honestly don't think he found me very attractive at all. I tossed him to the curb and shed 30 lbs. POWER!

I'm completely structureless and a terrible flosser...


Anise said...

i am actually obsessed with necropsies (people gross me out, but animals don't for some reason). for me i think it's a fascination to see what's underneath, what's hidden. naturally i am obsessed with bones and seeing them emerge under my skin. now that i have done bird necropsies i love to look at live birds and imagine their muscles, their hollow bones, their beating hearts. how that fish slides down their throat into their crop and gizzard. i guess i just have a need to get to the bottom of things.

maybe something like this is true for you, and it's not so much an obsession with death as a need to see the truth of things, or how the body works, or what is really in that deep dank place inside us.

just a thought :D

i also loathe urban outfitters due to their usurpation of all things that could've been awesome but now are just hipstery. they can go suck it.


Yum said...

- Hard alcohol has less calories than beer, they say. That's what I do.

- Oh god, the laughing is the worst. ANY laughter I overhear anywhere I automatically assume is about me.

- I hate trick questions on job interviews. Some things it depends on how you look at it. So dumb.

- Tattoos ARE addictive, lol.

- I never flossed until I discovered those ones with handles on them.

Minaralou said...

Lovely, just go vegan!!If you think about it,it really is just the food containing something animal that hinders you losing weight :D vegan is soooo much healthy,practically no fat...
just watch earthlings, meet your meat or feed the world and you will have enough moral and ethical reasons to go vegan....the "havin no problems with bad food" thing is just a really nice plus :D
YYOu can save about 100 animals per year ;)


Anonymous said...

the high school, walking by cliques thing is something I can completely relate to. Also, where are you? I miss you, and your posts. I'm reading them all through again.
I know your probably living your life, and after a while everyone stops blogging as much but stilll :) hope your happy and lifes treating you well.

design by