Saturday, October 3, 2009

Don't Look At Me.

I am the grossest person alive.

Managed to stay away thus far, but yesterday I walked into NO LESS than 4 different grocery and food stores. As long as I have been awake, I think I have been stuffing some kind of cake or candy or drink or sandwich into my sodding mouth.

This is not the worst part.

My dress ripped last night. I don't know if it's because I'm fat or because it's vintage, but I was wiggling it off my hips and the waist just tore. I have to sew it up and take it off again to see which it was. Do you ever replay events or conversations over and over again in your head? That's what I'm doing. Obsessing about this skirt. This stupid fat fatty fat me and my skirt that screamed as its threads were pulling apart that I was not deserving to wear such a slimming and obviously fashionable garment.

Maybe I'll eat so much that I can't look at food again after I'm finished.


It's horrible because Thursday I was admiring my spine and today I'm sure that my frame has all but disappeared.

Today I'm going to sit here in the dark with my food and our shared shame.


Ana's Girl said...

Aww, hunny. I'm sorry you've had such a shitty day. But there IS hope. I ate like all day every day for a week or so (ugh probably longer), then today i ate this tiny handful of peanuts and thought i'd be sick. Maybe it really is possible to get tired of food. We can hope, right?

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