Friday, October 23, 2009

Cue The Music

It's time to be better about a lot of things.

Number 1. Stop skipping school. It's a vicious tornado of self-loathing and moping in bed.

Number 2. No more food is allowed in the room. Eat it in the kitchen. A) It gets munched mindlessly whilst watching TV B) The room smells gross later when not eating. Eat in the kitchen, none of my flatmates believe I eat anyway... which is unfortunately far from true.

Number 3. Count calories, fat content, and portions/ratios again. Write it all down. I'm trying to maintain weight, but I don't want to live on Percy Pigs, squash, and guacamole.

Number 4. Read and comment on blogs. Every day. Starting tomorrow.

Corollary to Numbers 1 & 4. Take the ritalin and do the assigned reading for class dammit.

Number 5. Buy a scale. This seems counter-productive, but aside from the facts that I moved to another country, had zero cash, and went off my meds, I started binging when I lost track of my weight. Perhaps it might be useful to stick to a happy-comfortable-safe number if I know what that number is without going to the dreaded Surgery.

Number 6. Keep the damn room clean. Do the laundry. Scrub the toilet and clean the sink/shower. A clean house is a happy house. It's true.

Number 7. Save and record receipts in the handy Piggy Bank themed "Money Planner" that hasn't been used. Speaking of which, stop buying stupid things.

Number 8. Always look pretty.

Number 9. Figure out a sleep schedule and stick to it, no matter who is online or what kind of sparkly thing is on the internet. No more of this sleep at 4 AM and wake at 11AM (Oh, funny story as an aside. I, for some reason that I now don't remember, kept taking multiple doses of Prozac the other night, followed by some Trasadone and Topamax, and then more than a few Ambien. I woke up what I thought was 9:00AM with my mom screaming on iChat because I guess I had slept a full 24 hours after popped all these pills while talking to her, rolled my eyes, mumbled something and craweled into bed only to wake at 9:00PM. Oops).

Corrollary to Number 9. Stop fucking around with meds and drugs.

Number 10. This could be any number of things, all of which sound very vague. Be a nicer person? Go out and do things more? Make an effort to be happier? I'm just going to go with... Channel that impulsive, ambitious, aggressive, irritable, perfectionist energy into something less destructive (i.e. eating, shopping, cutting, sleeping). Maybe doodling. Binge doodle.

Loving you all more and more every day, even if you don't know it. I have the amazing ability to skim through my reader so I at least know the first paragraph of your current lives every now and then.



Flushed said...

I love how you wrote out "number" for each one, SO DRAMATIC!!

Hope all goes well from number 1 to number 10!


Africana said...

Hang in there darling! We adore you.


Greene said...

Don't know if I've ever told you how happy your posts make me - even when you're low. Your writing is great and infused with personality.

Good luck with your goals <3

what if summer... said...

oooooooooomg it's always the worst to ditch class! i always think it'll be a great idea and then i just hate myself all day. truly pathetic.
now that all of my classes are 4 hours a piece only once a week i have stress dreams about missing class. ugh. so much info in one sitting...

oh, did u get my email? lol


Anonymous said...

Great plans, and when you keep up with them I'm sure you'll be very proud of yourself. Just do it!

Ana's Girl said...

I need to start writing down Calories and fat content too. I don't know what ever happened to keeping my food journal. hmmm. We'll get right back on that together, yes?

And i need to buy a scale too; maybe having constant knowledge of my exact weight would be some good motivation... i hope.

Hehe. Stop buying stupid too! Wow. I need to make a list like this. You're making me realize how many things i need to do differently.

Anonymous said...

Good to know I'm not the only person being bad and skipping class :) I go through the same ritual every weekend...THIS WEEK I WILL GO TO CLASS! Then I change my mind. I only skipped two of ten last week though! Getting better.

Sha Sha said...

you rock.

i'm going to print out your post and stick it on the wall in my room so i can remind myself do all these things that you're doing!!! best to-do list ever, you totally nailed it.

Anonymous said...

i hope that the corollary for number 9 works out... because you really really had me worried there =O

i also find number 7 extremely problematic, but i think number 6 always helps with numbers 3&5 because cleaning always makes me feel less hungry :]

Ancora said...


Wonderful idea.

Much love.

EXY said...

Your list is pretty much the same as my list. I think I may jump on that considering I know someone else out there is trying to get back on the same track I am.

Thanks for the inspiration xx

design by