Wednesday, June 24, 2009

1 Step Forward 2 Steps Back

I hate repeatedly talking about my failures here but that's my life. If I mean to get it under control and maintain an outward facade of perfection, you all get to see all the cracks.


After yesterday's bad food day, I feel uncomfortably full today (chant our mantra: "I just want to be empty") and there's a gain. But I'm pretty sure I can lose whatever I've gained in a day, and then if I can finally stop this pattern and get back on track and not have on and off days, I'll have continued daily loses.

Here's my new plan:

  • Staying away from the scale again.
  • When I'm eating, I have to count how many times I am chewing.
  • I can only eat at 9:00am, 12:00pm, and 6:00pm. And only if I'm hungry. If I'm never hungry, I fast.
  • When I eat, I can only eat 1 fruit or 1 vegetable serving.
  • If friends call to hang out, say "No."
  • Drink at least 2L of water every day.
  • Tell my mother I have a wheat sensitivity.
I feel ok with this. It's just neurotic enough to work. After this starts going, maybe I can trust myself again to do something like 2468 again, but right now that's too many calories.


Today, I'm flying home to visit my mother and them I'm driving back up with the car to get my stuff out of my apartment since our lease is up. What am I packing for the plane and my visit home? My fruits and vegetables. They are going to think I'm crazy.

I am. But in my defense, my mother doesn't have anything healthy at home, and if I don't bring anything I'll have to eat nothing which will be suspicious or eat her scary food. So crazy it is.



Pasco said...

your plan is am-A-zing miss, wish you all the best with it, you super am-A-zine super strong thing you

G. Samsa said...

This is an excellent plan! Telling yourself you can eat later, just not right now, is always good for self-control, and of course, socializing never turns out well.

Good luck!

nadja said...


you need to eat more than that, though, sweetie. please take care. <3

R Harlow B said...

If friends call to hang out, say "No."

i need to do that more too.

i like your plan

design by