Wednesday, June 24, 2009

1 Step Forward 2 Steps Back

I hate repeatedly talking about my failures here but that's my life. If I mean to get it under control and maintain an outward facade of perfection, you all get to see all the cracks.

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After yesterday's bad food day, I feel uncomfortably full today (chant our mantra: "I just want to be empty") and there's a gain. But I'm pretty sure I can lose whatever I've gained in a day, and then if I can finally stop this pattern and get back on track and not have on and off days, I'll have continued daily loses.

Here's my new plan:

  • Staying away from the scale again.
  • When I'm eating, I have to count how many times I am chewing.
  • I can only eat at 9:00am, 12:00pm, and 6:00pm. And only if I'm hungry. If I'm never hungry, I fast.
  • When I eat, I can only eat 1 fruit or 1 vegetable serving.
  • If friends call to hang out, say "No."
  • Drink at least 2L of water every day.
  • Tell my mother I have a wheat sensitivity.
I feel ok with this. It's just neurotic enough to work. After this starts going, maybe I can trust myself again to do something like 2468 again, but right now that's too many calories.

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Today, I'm flying home to visit my mother and them I'm driving back up with the car to get my stuff out of my apartment since our lease is up. What am I packing for the plane and my visit home? My fruits and vegetables. They are going to think I'm crazy.

I am. But in my defense, my mother doesn't have anything healthy at home, and if I don't bring anything I'll have to eat nothing which will be suspicious or eat her scary food. So crazy it is.

Cheers!
Savory

4 comments:

Pasco said...

your plan is am-A-zing miss, wish you all the best with it, you super am-A-zine super strong thing you

G. Samsa said...

This is an excellent plan! Telling yourself you can eat later, just not right now, is always good for self-control, and of course, socializing never turns out well.

Good luck!

nadja said...

*hugs*

you need to eat more than that, though, sweetie. please take care. <3

R Harlow B said...

If friends call to hang out, say "No."

i need to do that more too.

i like your plan

 
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