Friday, June 19, 2009

Death at the Hands of An SUV

So I've kind of unintentionally eaten a grapefruit and then fasted for 24 hours. I might do this again, but if I don't feel like fasting for a full 24 hours, I can eat another and not be punished.

I'm staying off the scale. And away from measuring myself. I fear my thunder thighs and numbers, but I know my thunder thighs will maybe go away faster than the numbers and I just won't notice it. I'm kind of a believer in the scale lying.


I am SUCH a bitch.

At work, I was sitting working with this huge girl whose face kind of permanently looks she is smelling something really bad and thus reacting to it... even when she's smiling. It's a weird sneer.

If she wasn't kind of rude it wouldn't matter that she was so huge. But she is huge. I was thinking about this last night when I couldn't sleep. Her calf is probably the size of my thigh and her upper arm is probably the size of my waist (it's one of those arms where her elbow like disappears under the fat)... I'm not exaggerating, I've seriously stood and eyeballed the difference.

So she was sitting and being prissy and somehow the conversation ended up at the "South Beach Diet" ... and I was like "What exactly *is* this? I've just seen the frozen meals and bars." So she explains it, which to me, it just sounds like a societal accepted eating disorder (lots of rules, really unhealthy, good/bad foods, LOTS of rules, and it will basically make you neurotic if you follow it, which only the hardcore actually will). So I'm like "Wow." And she was like "The first 2 weeks are the hardest." And I'm like "What the fuck are you supposed to eat!? Can you be a vegetarian??" And she's like "Oh yeah, I have a bunch of cookbooks! This diet REALLY works."

Me: "*Deadpan* .................................... really ... ? *furrows brows*" (Followed by an equally bitchy but cheery) "Hmm, I'll have to try that..."

And that is why I'm going to Hell. Or why I'm going to get run over by a GIANT Range Rover.



Pasco said...


you should ask her for her before snaps

Ana Nas said...

Well hun I'll see you on the eating disorder bus to hell then we will have lots of fun hehe

what if summer... said...

I love people like this. But you know what, I love people like this even more if they have their "diet" published in one or more books (preferably more than one). For example... the Atkins diet? Oh yeah, no carbs sounds like a pretty decent idea, but what are we replacing them with? A bunch of lard and bacon grease deep fried and topped with no carb Mayo. What? Dr. Atkins had HOW many heart attacks? Pishaw on HIS health problems, I just want to be skinny and not suffer for it.
Then there's Dr. Phil. I haven't heard any of his diet plans becoming household names or anything, but just the fact that this guy wrote a book about dieting is just ridiculous. How much does that guy weigh? NOT counting the fact that he is incredibly tall? And just fyi he's not a fucking doctor! He doesn't have an M.D. or a Phd, and he probably became a doctor from the same dumbass website that gave it to the Author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

And omg I love elbow fat. Especially on chicks who want to accentuate it with waaaaaaay too tight clothes. It's like roasting meat with twine wrapped around it.

See you in hell, Savory. Save me a table if you get run over by a Hummer H3 before I do.

Pasco said...

I live in a beautiful 100 yr old house with ornate ceilings and stained glass. Its crumbling around the edges and filled with cobwebs, dust and my mysterious collections of battered antique furniture... is that OK?

girl 500 said...

omg that is so scary. .... fat people are so scary.

fat people breathe heavy. all the fat is compressing their lungs and airways so they can't get air in. and their metabolisms are in overdrive desperately trying to get rid of all the extra calories they take in, so they puff all the time. Or maybe the puffing is just the physical exertion of sitting there with fat on them... like carrying lots of weights around with you all day while having all your heart tissue all choked up by fat. .... blah. omg

oh man. i feel bad being mean about fat people in real life. Once there was this fat girl, she asked me why I was upset. I was upset bcause I had gone into the healthy weight range for first time in my life.... lol. I couldn't say that to her, cos she was a nice girl and concerned, so I just made up a story about boys instead.

I think it can be good to stay away from the scales and tape measure sometimes, because that way it can be easier to keep your spirits up, and if you can keep your spirits up it is easier to stay on track :)

Anonymous said...

Bahahaha!!! Diet suggestions from a fat bitch! I probably would have asked her who she knows that it's working for. At least you have a reminder to think thin right in front of you everyday.


Anonymous said...

HA! its called delusion, its very powerful.

though in fairness it is only as delusional as when we tell ourselves our diets arent working because we arent shrinking fast enough. just the other end of the scale.

and i've developed a real disdain for fat dieters, even though i know theyre trying, i cant help but think theyre obviously not trying very hard when i see them trip up with chocolate or whatever, despite the fact i regularly trip up with 5000 calories.
that was entirely too long a sentence.

we still love you, and dont think you;re a bitch at all!xx

throughraindrops said...

ah yes it sounds like that diet really worked for her *laughs bitchily*

your not SUCH a bitch lol being mean to fatties is acceptable when they are rude and annoying


Leni said...

Fat people always tell smaller people about their diets and how great they work: "I've lost ten pounds already!" - sad that you actually can't see the 10 lost pounds because there are 100 more to go until they reach a "normal weight".

Skinny Lady said...

LOL! I can't wait to share this one with Emaciated Lady, whose obese coworker (nicknamed "Stache" because of the dark hairs above her lip and the stash of food always at her desk)thinks she's some kind of nutrition expert. What I'm trying to say is, we're going to hell with you.

design by