Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Other

When I got back to work after my lunch break (augh! my professor wanted to take me out to lunch again... I had 150cals max), some girls I work with were having a conversation about how to gain weight:

Me: "Uhhh I know I just walked in on this but WHO wants to gain weight and erm... why!??!"
HatGirl: "Oh I do. You know, I'm just too skinny right now. I need to gain some weight."
BlondeGirl: "You should just do what I did. I lost a bunch of weight in Italy so I just started eating gelato all the time right before I left so I would gain some weight."
Me: "I don't understand wanting to gain weight. But if you want to know how to do it, I can tell you how..."
GirlThree: "I don't get it either, but I've always wanted to LOSE weight! I used to be the chubby girl."
Me: "Oh me too!"
(Note, chubby for me is like 150 two years ago)
HatGirl: "I just want to gain some. I'm too small. It might not look like it, but I'm 110 pounds."
Me: "OH MY GOD. That's what I want!!"
GirlThree: "I'm 155. Savory, I can't imagine you as chubby."
Me: "Oh, erm, my weight goes up and down... if you want to gain weight and not be flabby about it, just start lifting weights, and eat a lot of fruit for breakfast with like oatmeal or cereal, then like a big sandwich for lunch, and have something like pasta and meat for dinner. You can snack on stuff like granola or nuts. But you have to eat at least 2,000 calories. Just eat good foods that are high in carb and the good fat. Or come to my house and eat all the high cal foods I stuff my face with. I'll watch you eat haha."
HatGirl: "I think you looked really good last Fall. That was like the perfect size for you."
(Last Fall I was between 130-140)
Me: "Oh thanks... I was like 10 pounds heavier."
HatGirl: "Are you satisfied with the size you are now?"
Me: "Yeah, I guess. I mean, a few more pounds wouldn't hurt, you know?"

Later the conversation turned to eating disorders. GirlThree was talking about how her friend had bulimia and she found out when said friend drunkenly confided it to her. And she said this shocked her because she didn't know how she could keep it a secret, and because she was very overweight. Then she said something else:

GirlThree: "I just feel so strange when I find out something like that. Like, I would never think anyone I knew dealt with things like that or had that."


Sigh. Things like that make me feel like a ghost, just floating through life. Not part of this world but with no where else to go. I'll always be the other. An outsider.


G. Samsa said...

I have only ever known one girl who claimed she wanted to gain weight. "Thick," was how she put it, as in, "I gotta get thick." I thought she was stunning exactly as she was. We had this conversation ten years ago, and it was so bizarre to me that I still distinctly remember it. She was eating Popeye's (as she did every day) while we had this conversation. Fried chicken and those biscuit things. Just bizarre.

I get breaking down and eating that stuff. But I just don't understand moving on like nothing happened.

SkinnyBitch said...

Yeah, wow. I know maybe ONE person (not personally) who would benefit from gaining weight, and she's got to be like 90 lbs and looks like a nasty 50-year-old smoker.

I cannot see why anyone would want to gain. That would freak me out. Just...ughhh *shudder*

TryingShadow said...

Mmm I have bulemia - but I still wouldn't know how to deal with someone if they told me they had it.
It's not to make you feel like an outsider - some people are just shit at encouragement, like me =)

Now that comment made no sense, I'm sorry hahaha

Point is - they aren't intentionally not sympathising with your ed.. I hope I got that post right.


hey.hana said...

At least no one called you out on anything, that would be the worst.

And being a ghost isn't so bad... You get to see more than most people do.

Tree said...

I can understand why she'd want to gain weight - My sister has the exact same problem. She's been extremely skinny her whole life & has no "figure" so to speak. She's 38 and weighs in 90lbs & her body looks like that of a 14 year old boy. No boobs, no butt, no hips, no curves, no nothing. She wants to feel like a "woman", she says.
She can't gain weight no matter what she's tried. And, she's tried everything. - Personally I think she looks normal in my eyes.. =P

Tri Thin said...

we all want what we don't have, right? to me it makes sense she wants to gain weight, I think she is crazy, but I get it.

I want to have skinny,skinny legs, but it will never really happen the way I dream of - I'm a 'thick' girl with big legs, always have been and most likely (sadly) always will be, even if I weigh 90lbs I'll have bigger legs than those waif like models...*sigh*

SophiaRuins said...

ugh. this is a reason most of my friends are guys.
when i was wayy younger [12, 13] i used to be really tall and thin [5' 6, about 108 lbs], but i never really payed attention to it, because i never really thought about my body at all.
then these chubby girls in school i was friends with used to tell me that no one liked skinny girls and that i should gain 30 lbs because only chubby girls are pretty. i walked in on one of them in the bathroom one time crying about how she thought she was fat and she just wanted to be skinny.

females can be liars.
i wouldnt be surprised if they were trying to make you gain weight for their own satisfaction.

or maybe im just crazy and always think that the world is out to get me =P

XOXO Sophia Ruins <3

Ana said...

Really does sound like a surreal experience. I'm afraid if I got into a conversation like that, though, I'd give myself away by saying way too much in an obvious false third-person. :\ Fortunately I'm good at avoiding social situations

obsessed_ana said...

i feel the exact same way.

Skeleton in the Closet. said...

Wanting to gain weight? What a luxury, haha.
I like how you handled the conversation without giving anything away about yourself...something I could have been better about, myself.

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