Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Officially, I am Magical.

I'm pretty sure I thought something in my head, and then it came true.


So, I had a pretty good weekend...

  • TR and I worked out some relationship things (though we had a major argument today, but it was resolved: BTW I'm starting a new thing called "don't fucking talk about my relationship with people anymore because it makes you look crazy and unstable and a bad girlfriend" ... except this doesn't apply to you all, because you, dear readers need to know everything, so help me stick to it!!).
  • I lost 2 more pounds since Friday, even though I've been eating terribly.
  • Apparently my grad school wants to throw £5,000 pounds at me ($8,460) so, that's good news? lol. I'm not used to good things.

Except today has been shitty. So I'm on the train back home, and I'm reading my London travel guide (dork dork dork!), reading the little history bit. It comes to the "Great Plague" that kills 100,000 Londoners in the 1600s... and me being in the bad mood and a big fat bitch start thinking:

"Wouldn't it be lovely if some kind of pandemic happened that affected most of the people on this train, and in the area... people dropping like flies around me? Of course, *me* being blessed with so much mental and physical shit by God, Satan, Fate, or Darwin would be pardoned from getting sick.

"I would just be one of those people who would have to stand by idly watching everyone die, and blog about it. Writing history. Women and children would take me in as I wander the streets with my laptop and try to feed me broth, but I would tell them that I couldn't eat when I knew that there was so much suffering. And no one would bat an eye, or ask me 'Is that all you're going to eat?' (PS. fuck you waitress at Denny's)."

Yeah, that was my 30 second fantasy, on the train, fleeting and brief and totally fucked up. I know. But that's just me. I also flirted with the idea of jumping in front of the train like an hour before that, then I told myself that I couldn't because I didn't want the 4 year old on the platform to have to witness and deal with that kind of shit forever.


So really, try and spend a night in this head of mine. I like to think that the soundtrack inside my head is like ladies playing saws with violin bows, and crying blood. They're probably underwater and there are marionettes dancing and fish swimming in circles.


But the point of this story is I call my mother to tell her I'm on the train, and what does she tell me? Uh, my oldest sister has some kind of superbug, like Outbreak type thing that we thought was a bug bite that paralyzed her whole head after 24h and she had to be rushed to some specialized hospital. She had surgery and has a fucking hole in her head now with shit sticking in and out of it and it's been described to me as "half of Princess Leia's head." They don't know what's maybe or maybe not killing her. She's in an isolation clean room and you have to wear like an astronaut hazmat suit to go inside....

Basically it's an episode of House without the predictable plot and zanny cast of characters.

Oh, and this morning the same thing happened to her son, so it's apparently contagious and maybe it's a pandemic! They have to swab like everywhere and everyone she's contacted. I'm so fucking psychic.


Don't feel sorry for my sister though or for my family. My older sister is a horrible person. I don't need to get into details because it's long, confusing, and complicated. I'll just give you tag words so you understand and you don't think I'm a total bitch for being a wizard and giving her ebola or something: drugs, prostitution, child neglect, crazy, child abuse, drugs, crazy again, and she hates my whole family.


Uh, so yeah. I'm magical. Ask me to think of something you want to come true. I'm trying to think that loads of kittens get adopted or something to even out my karma, but if you think of something better let me know... my mind is pretty uh twisted. It keeps going back to ripping the heads off build-a-bears!

P.S. But the loss of 2 pounds must mean that Jesus still loves me, yes?


pokerface said...

Feel free to wish that I reach my goal of 15lbs lost by 20th of August :P but be specific please... I don't want to end up losing £15 instead... haha

well done on the 2lbs! It's great when you lose despite eating badly :D and congrats on the money too! wow, so much good news in one post ^__^ thanks for your comment!

Tri Thin said...

:) I love that someone else thinks about random shit like that.

I work by the airport and the planes sometimes look like they are going to land on the highway - I think about it all the time and how my car would be the one the plane doesn't smash into a fire hell. You know, normal, happy people thoughts on my way to work.

Also, your plan to not 'fucking talk about my relationship with people anymore because it makes you look crazy and unstable and a bad girlfriend' - insert wife there and it is my most recently adopted plan, altough my title was less specific - 'stop bitching about your husband', I like yours better.

Anonymous said...

Thats great you lost two pounds and don't worry, your brain isn't too fucked up, I've had some pretty weird thoughts myself. But I'm sorry to hear about your sister, even if she is a horrible person.

Tree said...

i love london and miss it dearly! When are you heading out there?

Anonymous said...

Oh Savory baby... keep going! <3

Aspartame Freak said...

You already know what most of us want you to think, so -10 kg would be nice.
: P
See, kgs, so theres no chance to lose £.
I don't know what I worry about, I don't even use pounds.

Chiara said...

Just started reading your blog..and I wish you luck in your goals. congrats on the 2 pounds! <3

swt mzry said...

Lol! I love the way your mind works!! haha.
I just started reading your blog and you are awesome :D

And damn..
Don't go near your sister!

Sarah. said...

hahaha, i loved the fantasy that your pretty little head made up whilst sitting on the train..
Well done on the 2 lbs!!
And i wiiiish a school would give me some money!

Skinny Lady said...

The other day I was walking through the mall and passed a security guard, and I had an immediate thought: "I wish he would shoot me in the back with his gun." Then I felt guilty for having such a morbid thought, but now I realize I'm not alone for thinking such things daily. Thank you, Savory, for being equally, if not slightly more mental.

Flushed said...

Stunningly beautiful, perfect body and super powers please!

Oh yeah and your brain/thoughts/daydreams seem perfectly normal from my perspective! But then I guess that doesn't necessarily mean they are healthy, does it?

Oh well. I'm see if Charm School with Ricky Lake is on so I can boost my self esteem, lol.


SophiaRuins said...

omg i love your blog haha
all the crazy random shit you talk about makes me laugh =D
loved the whole pandemic bit too, that was total genius

and no offense or anything, but christ your sister sounds like a bitch considering those tag words

XOXO Sophia Ruins <3

A. Nonny Mouse said...

You musta freaked your metabolism with the foods and turned it into a rocket-powered fat burning machine for a few days ^.^ You lucky skinny bitch you!
Lol go the random 4-year-olds!! The only reason I haven't stepped in front of a few stock trucks is coz I didn't want to traumatise the driver XD SO glad I'm not the only person who thinks random shit like that!

Pasco said...

I like your mind Savory.
I miss you so much. And home so much. And my normal horrible but slightly less horrible than this life so much.

Back in 2 weeks.


Anonymous said...

wow...i'm kind of in love with you and your whacked out posts. is that messed up? you intrigue me so much.
much love from this complete stranger who is me <3 <3

PrettyWreck said...

I would love to spend a day in your head. You are not just magical, you are amazing.

Uuuuhm....think that I magically lose four pounds in the next four days, for good reasons. But I'm also sort of afraid of it, because maybe you're only bad karma wizard, and when you think of bad things, then it comes true. HEY you could be like that girl in "Sally, Son of Satan" which was a hilarious show...yeah...anyway XD

Hey, at least you lost 2 pounds? ♥

-H- said...

thanks for following me...
and i will try to get up to daye with your bloog to as soon as i cet my net back at home...
i hope you are doing well..
and well i might say that i well the same about the messed up head... nuts me


Libertine said...

You know, I kinda hate you now.
Nahh, just kidding.
But I was on the trains yesterday.
And last night, somehow had the worst migrane and ended up throwing my guts up.
You cursed me :p
(but hey, at least it got rid of dinner)

I kinda think like that.
But it's more along the lines of;
"Hmm, if this train where to crash from the back, all those people wouldn't make it. If I was to die right now from a crash, at least it wouldn't be just me."
It's so weird. And oh so morally wrong.

Stay strong.
and wish for happy magical things (for all of our sakes :p)

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