Drinking MORE water & hating *normal* skinny girls

Thanks girls for your motivating and kind words!! You all are definitely helping me stay on track. And thanks to people who are reading and/or following my blog.

LOL, I doubt I'm alone in this feeling, but my competitive nature infiltrates little things. [Maggie] commented: "I am very competitive - I need to be the skinniest, smartest, fastest" and that's something that totally resonates with me. So I always get excited about readers because it makes me feel like I'm supported, and it also kind of gives me that *I'm winning* feeling. Who I'm competing with in this, I have no idea...

So, I decided to let the scale decide if I was going to be fasting over the next 2 days this morning. Up .4 pounds.... Grabbed my water and that was the end of the conversation. So, anyone else fasting right now, you are definitely keeping me on my toes and feeling inspired!

Now I have to figure out what to do about the cupcakes. I know I won't eat them in the next 2 days (iron will, grrr! lol), but after I break the fast, I def. don't want to start binging on these (150cal each w/o frosting, 240cal w/ frosting). In the past, when I lived by myself and got cooking cravings, I would bake, eat one or two, save another 2, and go on my merry way distributing my cupcakes to the homeless (they are prevalent here). I also have a movie night to go to tonight since I stupidly decided last year I *had* to run this organization and be president, so I might leave a few cupcakes for the BF and bring the rest to this thing.

---

This is what bothers me about my new-found-skinny-friend. This bothers me about other skinny girls too. She is a total binge drinker. At her small college where they apparently have like ridiculously high standards, the only thing for students to do after finishing their chemistry or math problems is get wasted. So she does this. And has like a ton of drunk sex (p.s. I have no qualms against drunk sex normally).

It annoys me that she's somehow so tiny, but can probably drink like 1,500 calories in a go regularly and then be so self-confident with her body that she's just like naked 24/7 (lol).

This is a specific example, but the other skinny girls thing that bothers me is when I just see tiny twig girls munching on like fruit snacks and high cal things all the time and then giggling and saying "I am always hungry!! I have such a fast metabolism." Fuck you. Thanks for somehow making me feel inferior AND a cow when I'm at home munching on celery sticks in buffalo wing sauce (side note, SO satisfying).

---

LOL, I think that gets out all my aggression about that. We're supposed to go out this Saturday to some Tiki lounge. I found the menu online and have planned out what I will eat (this means I will have to fast until dinner). I can get a side of szechuan green beans and jasmine rice (then not eat the rice) for 170cal, or I can get ahi poke and skip the avocado and chips for 155cal. My friends know me as a picky eater, so if I'm just like "Oh, I'm not a big fan of this kind of food," it wouldn't be a surprise. Then I'll avoid drinking by saying that I can't drink on the Wellbutrin and Topamax (even though I stopped the Wellbutrin), and leave it at that.

I think planning it out will avoid the anxieties that come with frantically looking at the menu upon arrival and realizing that everything is either disgusting or totally out of the calorie limit.

Thanks again for the comments! Time to get this day started... lol at 1:30pm :)