My body, the incenirator

This is my morning ritual. I try and sleep as late as possible. My rationalization for this is that while I sleep, my body is working really hard at eating away all that fat because I'm not awake giving it food to eat. This has been supported by the recent loss of around a pound a day by basically eating mainly vegetables/fruits, supplemented with some protein, and extremely varying my calories (here are my numbers from last Saturday to today's ideal: 350, 870, 156, 900-1200, 64, 720, 158, 235).

When I get up, I try and wait until about noon without weighing myself or eating. Must continue letting my body think it's not getting anything and should start shoving in the fat into the metaphorical furnace. At about 11:00-12:00 I will waddle over to the scale and step on it. If I'm happy with the number (a.k.a. if it's smaller than the day before), I can now make breakfast and start drinking the ridiculous amount of water I want to get through during the day to keep hydrated. If not... then I have to continue abstaining for another hour or so to teach my dumbass body a lesson in doing some damn work while I'm sleeping.

Today, I'm waiting to see the scale budge... It's at 123.0; I won't be satisfied until I see 122.__ lol.

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A list of things in my Google search that needs to be periodically cleared out, as some of them alone and many of them combined would raise suspicion and eyebrows (I left out most of the "_____(insert food)_____ calories" because they were boring, except for a few) You won't see too many overt anorexia/bulimia/EDNOS references because I'm pretty good at remembering to clear out my history when I type those in:

(A)
Advice Nurse
Amy's lentil soup
Ana's Girls

(B)
Baby food nutrition
BMI
Body fat percentage
Body shapes and sizes

(C)
Calcium chews calories
Calculate body fat

(D)
Dill pickle chips calories
Does 2-4-6-8 diet work?

(E)

(F)
Fat percentage
Flour calories

(G)

(H)
Hemorrhoid relief
How to give yourself a colonic massage
Hypnotherapy binge eating

(I)

(J)

(K)

(L)

(M)
Meat substitutes
Mental illness and literature
Most calorie foods

(N)

(O)

(P)
Paresthesia relief
Pro-Ana vs Pro-ED

(Q)

(R)

(S)
Shimberg relief from IBS
Stevia pros and cons
Sugar free Easter Peeps calories
Swallowed gum calories

(T)
Teaspoon per cup
Topamax tingling
Trader Joe's fiber cakes

(U)

(V)

(W)
When fiber doesn't work

(X)

(Y)

(Z)
Zero calorie foods

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Oh and just a few that are random and I thought were really funny strung together:

1950s anti-communist slogans, asthma disability, birdnapped bird, fallout shelter, famous southern gay men, red hat society, satyr, Tesla, where is the appendix??

Sigh. I sometimes find myself too amusing.