ugh. I got sucked into all of these "ban pro-ana" groups on facebook. People are so ridiculous and misinformed... they don't even understand what it is to be anorexic ("Oh, they just want to be supermodels!"). Yeah, I'm definitely giving advice to 10-year-old kids AND selling them some heroin for a good price while I'm at it. Jesus. Maybe ask yourself why your 10-year-old is LOOKING for these sites? Yes, yes, I'm disordered, fragile, and flawed, but for now... I.do.not.care.
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Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about was how amazing it feels to have a support system on here. I really do wish I could share more of myself. Like, for instance, over the past few years, I've indulged in several (think 5-8) tattoos in various places and sizes. 2 are very large pieces. Absolutely beautiful and tastefully done (and not even stereotypical)... and of course, I nagged the artist about putting them in places that would look wonderful no matter what size I was (I love making fun of tattoos gone bad!). But, now that I'm starting to shrink, I feel like they are taking away from the overall effect of my slender legs and torso. Pictures would help demonstrate my point.
But this is where my conundrum comes to play. It's not that I don't want to share myself with you all. Because I absolutely do. But at the same time, I have to edit pieces of myself so that paranoid me feels secure that no one I know can stumble upon this and immediately place it as mine. Which is tragic. I suppose I could feel happy knowing that if I was doing all of this for attention, I would have already outed myself like 20 times, gotten an intervention, and moved on to some new fad.
So, I guess I'm saying, that I'm really glad that I have you all to come to daily and blog and comment to, and I feel so saddened that I can't be more of myself here! I'll scatter breadcrumbs for everyone to follow ;)
P.S. Thought of food is totally unappetizing. Maybe the stupid binge last night worked for something, haha!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Hansel and Gretel
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4 comments:
I'm not really fully myself here, although part of me thinks that since the only people who would find it would be those looking at this sort of blog... ah well. I think I might be posting some pics for a short time only soon, if I get more criticism I think it would help me!!! Frighten me out of my gymless state atm!
I feel both ways, that I shouldn't reveal too much in case someone I know found my blog but then that I've already said too much and it'd be obvious anyways.
If you feel as though you'd like to share things with the people you meet on here, you could always have a separate photo blog with limited access. Only people you choose could have access to it. Just a thought! :)
I think all of us feel like that about not wanting to be found out to some degree... I have yet to put up photos of myself, yes, because I don't think I'm thin enough yet, but the bigger reason is because I don't want someone I know to stumble upon this and flip out...
It's a hard balance.
I totally agree like I only let people know certain parts of me on here so that if anyone I know stumbles across it they wont know it's me. It's tricky I find myself ending up pulling away from the support out of fear.
BTW I'm not the stereotypical version either but I've got a few tattoos I love tattoos
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